Gen X6 3 Twilight Choices
by Cat Carroll
Summary: Janice has returned to her old life, and is starting a new relationship with Cole. As they get closer, ghosts from the past come back to threaten them, and the choice between a past and a future must be made.
1. A New Old Life

Title: Gen X-6 (3) – Twilight Choices Deepthought Deepthought 1 8 2001-11-04T17:31:00Z 2001-11-04T17:39:00Z 5 1806 10298 Deepthought 85 20 12646 9.2720 

Title:  Gen X-6 (3) – Twilight Choices

Rated: R – Language and one, possibly two chapter with SML

Spoilers:  Nothing from the show, actually.  As you should be able to see from the title, this is actually the third story in the series.  If you haven't read the first two you are going to be totally lost as to whom these characters are, and what the deal is with them.  Don't worry; I'll wait while you finish the first two.  Done?  Good, let's go on.

Disclaimer:  Actually, I think almost every character is mine, all mine!  Ha!  Take that!  Never mind, Max, Logan, Zack, Renfro and Lydecker all belong to James Cameron.  They are mentioned, so he gets the rights to them, as well as the concept of Manticore.  Also, Savage Garden and B.B. Mack did not give me permission to reprint their lyrics, so just buy the CD and listen to "Truly, Madly, Deeply" and "The Ghost of You and Me" when it's in the fic so they can look at this as free advertising and won't sue me.  If anyone does choose to sue me, they can have an '81 Corolla and some leftover Halloween candy.  My betta fish stays with me.

******************************

Ghost of You and Me

What am I supposed to do with all these blues

Haunting me everywhere

No matter what I do

Watching the candle flicker out

In the evening glow

I can't let go, when will that night be over 

I didn't mean to fall in love with you

And baby there's a name for what you put me through

It isn't love it's robbery

I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me 

Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by

Phantom ships, lost at sea

Well one of them is mine

Raising my glass I sing a toast to the midnight sky

I wonder why the stars don't seem to guide me

I didn't mean to fall in love with you

And baby there's a name for what you put me through

It isn't love it's robbery

I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

The ghost of you and me

When will it set me free?

I hear the voices call

Following footsteps down the hall

Trying to save what's left of my heart and soul 

Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow

I can't let go

When will this night be over?

I didn't mean to fall in love with you

And baby there's a name for what you put me through

It isn't love it's robbery

I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

*************

Three weeks, Janice thought.  It had been three weeks since she had returned to her old life.  It felt a little funny, like finding an old suit she hadn't worn in years and then trying it on.  It was tight in some places, loose in others, and didn't look quite the same as it did when it was first bought.  Interesting analogy she thought, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror.  She had to bring out all of her suits that she used to wear to work when she moved back to Virginia.  It had been more comfortable in Seattle when she was wearing sweats or gym shorts to work everyday, but she didn't mind going back to suits terribly much.  She had her career back, and that was what counted.

She plopped down on her couch and looked around her mess of an apartment.  She'd been too busy to worry about getting everything unpacked and moved in properly, but it was close to coming along.  Getting back into the swing of things had been a pain in the ass, but her old unit was back together and even with a new fifth, they were falling back into line.  It hadn't been easy, but it was far better than teaching gym.

She had just gotten home the day before from spending Christmas with her mother and sister and nieces.  They had been thrilled that she was moving back to Virginia, especially her oldest niece.  She told them that her bosses understood that it was a simple misunderstanding that lost her job, and now that it was cleared, she had it back.  They thought she was an analyst, not an operative.  She loved them, she really did, but there was a reason why she decided not to stay until New Years Day.  She had the excuse that she had lots of stuff to catch up on, but in truth, she didn't need them determined to play matchmaker and make other suggestions about her life, especially considering the messes her sister and mother had made of their own lives.

She definitely did not need anyone tampering with her life right now.  Things were going along rather interesting.  She had told her mother that there was someone she had gone out with a few times, and that was true.  They were wildly curious about the new man in Janice's life, but she didn't give too many details.  It was true.  Janice and Cole had been on three dates since she got back to Virginia.  He and his brother Xander had a house closer to Maryland, but the distance wasn't terribly bad.

The third one had been a few days before Christmas.  Cole told her that he was going to be in Seattle over the holidays, but she caught what he didn't say.  He wanted to see her before he left.  They'd gone out to dinner twice, and to a movie afterwards once, and the second date, they had just gone for a long walk together and talked forever about everything in the world.  It was dawn before he finally took her home.  Janice knew she was getting sappy over everything, and since high school she never got sappy over a man, but this was different.  Hell, he was different.  She'd never dated anyone like him before, and it had nothing to do with the fact he was a genetically engineered killing machine.  He was just…she had a feeling he was one of the few men in the world that could deal with her and her career.

Cole had invited Janice over to his place, and he made dinner for them.  Janice was rather surprised at his culinary skills.  It wasn't an elaborate meal, but it was very well done, and she enjoyed it thoroughly.  He did however have atrocious taste in wines, so she had brought a bottle and they worked their way through most of it during and after dinner.  Maybe it had been the wine, but she had finally asked him about his life at Manticore.  Previously all of their conversations about his life were post-Manticore.  Maybe it was the wine affecting him, but before they knew it, they were on the living room floor and he was showing her pictures of himself and his siblings that had been taken in their previous life. 

The pictures were mostly from their teen years.  Janice noticed that some of the kids that appeared when they were twelve and thirteen didn't show up again in the pictures taken at sixteen and seventeen.  She had learned that not all of the kids had survived to maturity and thought it best not to ask what happened to them.  Still, some of the pictures were funny like the one with a very filthy Cole climbing out of a mud puddle, or the one of Alicia chasing one of the others with a knife.  Cole said that the one running for his life had just discovered what itching powder could do.

There was one picture in particular that had grabbed her attention.  It had been taken at an odd angle, like there was someone who didn't want them to know he was getting their picture.  She had stared at it for a few minutes while Cole was in the bathroom, wondering what was going on in the picture.  There were about fifteen of the kids there, all of them appearing to be around sixteen or so.  They were all dressed up, but in black, and they were on a ship.  Janice recognized a very young Alicia, Cole, Shawna and Xander, but they all looked like they were under terrible strain when the picture was taken.

"What's this one?" she asked Cole when he came out.  For a moment she could see a flash of pain on his face, and all of his earlier humor fled.

"It was a funeral," he said flatly.  She looked at the picture again, and realized what Alicia had in her hand was an urn.  "We lost one in a helicopter accident and were scattering her ashes over the ocean," he explained in that same lifeless tone.  It had gotten a little awkward for a moment.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.  "I didn't mean to…"

"No," he interrupted, "it's okay, I just wasn't…I didn't think there was anything about that in here.  Anyways, it was all a very long time ago."  He smiled a little at her, but she could still see the memories were troubling him.  He picked up another picture of Alicia and a "friend" of hers from high school and started telling Janice about how the friend started dating this soldier from the base and almost busted Alicia when she was coming home from a mission.

They had spent a well over an hour looking over the pictures and laughing at Cole's stories.  It had amazed Janice that even though the purpose of Manticore was to create the perfect soldier, they had really been kids there.  They had laughed and played and teased and fought, just like any real siblings would do.  He had just finished telling her about the time that the sixers had gotten pissed at some visiting brass and had put a seven-foot snake in her bed, and they had been laughing over his story when their eyes met.

Without even thinking about it, they both leaned towards each other, enjoying a long kiss.  It certainly wasn't their first kiss, but it was the first time they had been this relaxed with each other.  Janice wasn't sure quite how, but it seemed just a few minutes later and she was in his lap and they were making out like a couple of teenagers.  It had been literally years she had just made out with a guy and it not be considered foreplay, although had he even suggested it, she might have been inclined to throw him on the floor and have her way with him.

She had told him earlier that she did have to be home a little early that night.  It was a long drive and after a while, she had to break it off.  Janice could see the debate in his eyes on if he should ask her if she wanted to stay.  She'd gotten up finally, trying to discreetly get her bra straps back up.  How had he managed to get his hand in her blouse without her even noticing till she felt him softly caressing her breast?  Cole had gotten up with her and walked her out to her car.

On impulse she had grabbed him and kissed him hard, their bodies pressing together, the heat from the passion they managed to generate almost enough to burn skin.  He had seemed a bit surprised at first, but responded with equal passion, nearly lifting her off her feet to get better access to her mouth, one hand in her hair and the other on her rear.  She finally pulled away from him and grinned wickedly.  "You should have asked," she said and then got into her car and left.

Now, a week or so later, Janice sat in her living room and debated the wisdom of leaving.  She was certainly not a first-date lay kind of girl, and usually it would be a couple of months before she would sleep with a guy.  Actually it was normally after she ran a full background check and managed to discreetly get a blood sample so she would know everything there was to know about him.  Cole was just different though.  Most men she dated fulfilled certain criteria that she had about their intellect, personality traits, and hygiene.  

Her last three boyfriends had been a lawyer, a computer engineer, and an FBI agent.  Her relationship with the engineer had lasted almost a year until they started seriously talking about a real future together.  Nick was such a great guy, and she really liked being with him until she realized that she wasn't the wife and mother that he wanted to marry.  She had been injured a little on an assignment, nothing major, just some bad scratches on her face and a sprained wrist, but she couldn't tell him anything about how she had gotten hurt or why.  That had led to some bitter fighting, and she knew it was going to be him or the CIA.  She heard later he married a second-grade teacher about a year after they broke up.  Figured.  Her choices in men had all been so…blah.  They would back off if she told them to sharply enough, and most were terrified of her.  Once she could see that they wouldn't argue with her because she knew more ways to kill them, the relationship was over.

She had to admit that she hadn't tried checking Cole against any stated criteria.  He knew about her, wasn't scared in the slightest, and quite simply could curl her toes with just a single kiss.  Responsibility and reason said that she should look for more than that in a man.  Responsibility and reason could go to hell as far as she was concerned.  They hadn't found her a man like Cole before.  He wasn't scared of her, and she couldn't control him.  What kind of man was he?  For once, she had a dammed interesting one.


	2. Making A Date

Janice glanced over at the end table Deepthought Deepthought 1 0 2001-11-05T20:20:00Z 2001-11-05T20:20:00Z 3 969 5528 Deepthought 46 11 6788 9.2720 

Janice glanced over at the end table.  The light on the answering machine was blinking.  She didn't really want to, but she hit play anyways.  Her niece wanted to come over for the weekend in a couple of weeks.  Janice smiled.  Poor kid was starting college next fall and was already chafing to get away from home.  Janice didn't blame her.  She had been like that.  Still was as a matter of fact.  The messages continued.  No, she didn't want the newspaper subscription, and how did the local Mary Kay representative already have her number?  

"Hi, it's Cole," the last message began.  Janice perked up.  "Umm…I got back into town a little earlier than I thought, and I don't know what your plans were for New Year's Eve, but if you wanted to get together…or before then…whatever…umm, anyways, give me a call whenever you can."  He sounded so cute on the machine, like he was shy or something.  Had he come back early to take her out on New Year's Eve?  Janice was practically beaming now, warm fuzzies making her tingle.  He certainly knew how to impress a girl.

She grabbed the phone and dialed.  She had already memorized his number, which was to her a sign of how much she liked a guy.  With Kurt the FBI agent it took like three months.  She should have known then.  That had to have been the bitterest break-up in her life.  It rang twice and then Xander picked up.  It was still hard to think of a director in the CIA as just Cole's little brother.  He wasn't her boss.  He was her boss's boss.  Not something she could mention while on the job; Brickman had asked her not to mention his more colorful childhood, but he was nice to her when away from work.

"Joe's Crematorium," he announced.  "You kill 'em, we grill 'em."  Janice laughed.  He always answered the phone weird.  It was hard to reconcile the hard ass agent she knew with the guy she'd met outside of CIA headquarters.

"Is Cole there?" she asked.

"Hold on," Xander said jauntily.  "He may still be in the bathroom.  I think he's so nervous about asking you out for New Year's Eve he's got the runs or something."  A rather crude obscenity was shouted in the background.  There was the sound of a scuffle, and by now Janice knew this could mean someone just got thrown off the landing of the stairs, and then Cole had control of the phone.

"Janice?" he asked.  Xander said something she couldn't catch.  "Hold on," Cole snarled.  There was the sound of the door slamming, and Cole yelled out "you tap my phone again and I'm duct taping your naked ass to your office door at Langley!" 

Janice was nearly howling with laughter.  Those two should not live together, but it made for entertainment ever since the first phone call when Cole chased Xander around the house trying to get the phone, Xander chanting "Cole's got a girlfriend!  Cole's got a girlfriend!" in his best pesky little brother voice.

"Are you done yet?" Cole asked her, sounding both annoyed and amused at her laughter.

"No!" she giggled, and he finally laughed with her.  After a few minutes she finally got herself under enough control to talk.  Her stomach ached and her eyes were blurred with tears from laughing so hard.  "I got your message," she finally said.  Even over the phone she could feel the sudden tension.  Why was he acting so strange over wanting to take her out on New Year's Eve?

"Oh, good," he said.  "I wasn't sure if you were back yet, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to take the chance."

"I can only take so much family," she replied.  "I didn't think you were going to be home so soon," she said casually, wondering if he was going to say what she suspected was the truth.  Probably not, but she had to admit she was hoping he wasn't going to say it was work related.

"Sometimes I stay later than others," he replied in the same casual tone she was using.  She felt a little flutter in her stomach.  Instinct said he wanted to be with her.  Maybe it was wrong, but it felt nice.  "So, you have a nice Christmas?"

"It went very well," she replied.  It had considering two of her sister's ex-husbands were at dinner to be with their respective daughters.  The third one hadn't made parole yet, but he called to wish his daughter Zada a Merry Christmas.  Janice no longer wondered why she went to family gatherings armed.  She just made sure she had plenty of ammunition.  "You have a good time?" she asked.

"Yeah," he answered, and she could hear the smile in his voice.  "Can't believe how fast the kids grow up."

"I know the feeling," she said.  Her oldest niece was going to be eighteen soon.  It seemed like yesterday that Janice was seeing her sister bring the baby home from the hospital.

"So…" he said.  "Umm…what were you doing for New Year's Eve?"

She sighed.  "Well, there's something I have to do," she replied.  "It's one of those every-year functions that I got roped into a few years ago and now I'm stuck doing it."

"Oh."  He sounded so disappointed!  Janice grinned.

"But, if you didn't have any plans, I would love it if we could go together," she added.  "I would love to have someone with a measurable IQ to talk to."

"Measurable, huh?" he asked.  He let out a little laugh.  "So what is this big event?"

"You know the Whitestone family?" she asked.  He made a noise that she knew meant, "of course I do, I know everything".  It was an annoying noise.  "Well, every year Mr. Whitestone has this big "birthday" party for his snow leopards.  It's a fund-raising thing for the environment, black tie event and the whole nine yards."

Cole snickered.  "And you're not thrilled at the thought of going?" he teased her.

She groaned.  "It's such a thrill," she said sarcastically.  "I'm more or less on guard duty," she explained.  "I have to stay in the crowd and make sure nobody decides to assassinate someone.  But, there's no rule that says I can't bring someone, especially when he's more qualified than I am to do this."  She held her breath for a moment, hoping he would agree.  The party was such a bore.  She had refused to sleep with a supervisor four years before and had gotten stuck working the party ever since.  She had never been told she couldn't bring a date, but it was discouraged.  Cole wasn't the average date though.

"What the hell," he said.  "If you want to liven it up, I can always call a couple of my brothers to storm the place," he said with a laugh.

"I think you're plenty of company by yourself," she replied, grinning.  "So, you want to go?"

"Hmm…dull stuffy party on New Year's Eve making sure some old people don't get terminated or hanging out with Xander and getting drunk," he said sounding like he was debating the options.  "No contest.  When should I pick you up?"


	3. New Year's Eve

(New Year's Eve)

Cole chided himself for being nervous picking up Janice.  They had been out before.  Admittedly not to a black tie affair, but there wasn't really much of a difference.  He knew why he was nervous.  He had come home early to spend New Year's Eve with her.  It was crazy, and he knew that she would have plans, but he'd called anyways, and it had been like she had been waiting for his call.  He liked her.  That was what was making him so nervous.  It had been a very long time since he could say he honestly liked a woman that wasn't family.

She was an incredible woman.  She never played with him, and she said what she meant.  She knew how to laugh and tease, and he had to admit she knew how to kiss as well.  He'd been startled the last time they had gotten together and ended up making out.  He hadn't meant for it to happen, but they had kissed once, and that was it for him.  She could make him forget anything when she turned those big brown eyes on him and smiled.

She hadn't protested at all when he had fondled her lightly that last time.  Actually, he didn't think she had noticed that he'd unbuttoned her blouse a little.  He hadn't realized he had done it until he was suddenly touching the softest skin in the world.  She'd let out a little moan, but didn't try and stop him.  He wasn't sure why they hadn't gone further that night.  He had wanted her to the point that he was in physical pain.  She would have let him, but he just couldn't.  Stupid?  Hell yes.

In the end, she had gone home, but first given him a kiss that took his breath away.  He'd stood in the driveway for several minutes after she left, staring numbly in the direction she had gone.  Then he went inside to bang his head against the wall.  She had been right.  He should have asked her to stay.  He'd been incredibly aroused, and that took forever to go away.  He normally had tight control over himself, especially where norm females were involved.  He never got carried away.  If he needed to have physical needs taken care of, then he'd get a woman for a short while – more of a fling than a relationship and be done with it.  No ties.  Janice was not a fling, and he had no idea if he wanted to change that.

He knocked lightly, feeling a little uncomfortable being so dressed up.  He was used to a uniform at work and jeans for leisure.  There was rarely a time he went anywhere in a regular suit, much less a tux.  "It's unlocked," he heard her call out from inside.  Cole smiled.  She hadn't raised her voice above conversational level, knowing that if it were him, he would hear her anyways and come in, and if it weren't, they would think she wasn't home and go away.

Cole went into the apartment.  He'd only been in there twice before, once while helping her move in, and then the second time they'd gone out.  It was becoming more distinctively Janice each time he saw it.  This time she had pictures on the wall of her family, and had unwrapped some beautiful Japanese vases that she had picked up at some point.  The rest was more organized chaos, and Cole had a feeling it would be like that until Janice moved out again.  Getting out knickknacks was just not a priority to Janice, however, her home theater system, complete with the filled 700 disk CD player and seventeen speakers, and that took up an entire wall from top to bottom had been set up within three hours of Janice getting the equipment into the apartment.  She just prioritized.

"You certainly clean up nicely," Janice's voice came from behind him.  He turned around, smiling at her.  His eyes widened as he took her in from head to toe.  Bloody hell, she was beautiful.  She had never looked so…so exotic as she did in that long flame colored dress.  The satin material went above the bodice of the dress, almost like a halter top, wrapping around the back of her neck to keep it from falling down, and leaving her arms and shoulders bare, except for the elbow-length gloves with the same pattern of sequins embroidered into them.

He knew he was gaping, but couldn't stop as she walked towards him, sequins flashing patterns of flame up the right side of the dress as they reflected the color of the material.  The dress had a slit up the side, giving him an excellent view of all eight feet or so of her legs.  She was wearing these shoes that were really barely there.  He wasn't sure if her selection of footwear was deliberate or not.  He had remarked once that he thought she had pretty feet, and she had teased him about having a foot fetish.  It wasn't a fetish, but seeing her pretty feet in sexy heels was rather…well, hot.

She spun around, letting him see the low back of the dress, and how the skirt outlined her rear and legs perfectly.  She faced him again, grinning wickedly.  "Well?" she demanded playfully.  She didn't really need to ask.  His obvious admiration was enough of an answer.  

Janice had borrowed the dress from her sister a few days before.  Christy said that her second husband had bought it for her as an anniversary gift, so it was probably stolen, but that didn't make it any less beautiful.  They both had inherited their Sicilian grandmother's olive skin, so the bright color was flattering to both of them.  Christy had been wildly curious as to why her sister, who normally dressed so "nauseatingly plain" as she described Janice's wardrobe, wanted to look extra-good for a New Year's Eve function she normally hated.  Janice couldn't tell her it was for someone in particular or else she would be risking her mother and sister showing up roughly five minutes before Cole did.  Cole had seen much in his life, she knew, but she doubted he had ever had to deal with anything like them before.

"I thought you weren't trying to kill the people there tonight," Cole said casually, wrinkling his brow in mock confusion.

"You think I'm dressed to kill or something?" she teased.

"I'm thinking about eight old men are going to drop dead of heart attacks when they see you walk in," he replied with a grin.  He took her hand and kissed it lightly.  Janice felt herself shiver at such a chivalrous gesture.  "You're stunning," he said softly.  She blushed a little as their eyes met and she could see the plain and simple admiration lighting his eyes.

She took a step forward brushing a light kiss across his mouth.  "Funny," she remarked.  "I know I'm supposed to be working, but I was actually looking forward to tonight."

"I guess I better not disappoint you then," he said with a smile.

"For some reason, I don't think that's going to be an issue," she replied.  They stood there for a moment longer, just smiling at each other.  New Year's Eve.  The night where anything seemed possible.  A time for change.  And it was only going to get better from here.


	4. The Whitestone Affair

The party was exactly what Janice remembered it to be.  Some of the wealthiest business people on the East Coast were there along with assorted politicians and military leaders.  Everyone was smiling politely and sipping expensive champagne and pretending that they actually liked each other.  By two in the morning, most of the dignified, respectable people would be gone, and the remainders would be completely drunk, and anything but respectable and dignified.  This year she had won a heated round of "rock, paper, scissors" and got to pull the first shift, which was over at midnight.

It was a different feeling having a date with her, especially since he knew most of the people there by name.  Name hell, he kept whispering to her some of their dirty little secrets, and she was having a hard time not laughing out loud.  Some of them she knew, like Senator Broward's little side-fluff that he kept up in Vermont, but others she didn't.  Cole waited until she was taking a sip of champagne to mention that the billionaire Don Markham was probably wearing women's underwear beneath his designer tux.  Janice would have been okay except the man started walking and she realized he was moving like a woman with a wedgie.  She had to fight to keep from spitting champagne all over the floor.  She did stomp on Cole's toe for that one.  He just shot her a grin.

Cole had to admit that if Janice hadn't been there, he might have called a couple of his brothers to come and storm the place.  She had to leave for a minute to go to "the ladies room", translated, she had to talk to one of her people that were on unseen guard duty, probably on the roof somewhere.  This was beyond boring.  He knew most of the people, and they didn't impress him in the slightest.  He'd kept with Janice, working the crowd, keeping his eyes open for any trouble.  This should be an FBI kind of assignment, but the CIA was much more familiar with international troublemakers.  It didn't make it any less boring though, even with the two snow leopards prowling around in their cage in the middle of the room.

"Major?" a startled voice came from behind Cole.  He turned to see General Wellington watching him.

Cole managed a polite smile.  "Good evening, sir."  Wellington was technically his superior, and one of the few that knew about his true history.  He was also usually in a bad mood whenever a low ranking "special attaché" would be called into a meeting with a member of the Joint Chiefs and then not tell him about what had been said.

Wellington stepped in closer.  "Is there trouble expected tonight?" he asked in a low voice, glancing around the room.  Cole smirked.  He was looking for some other X-6, not that he would know what one looked like in the first place.

"Not that I know of," Cole replied casually.

 "What are you here for then?" the general asked quickly.  He gave Cole a hard look.  "You're not doing private security are you?"  There was a note of triumph in his voice.  If Cole was renting himself out, well, this was all that was needed to get him off of his staff.  Wellington didn't care what they were keeping Lydecker around for, but he got the creeps every time that freak was near.

"I'm here because I was invited," Cole said.  He took a drink of his champagne, trying not to laugh at Wellington's surprise.  The guy was an egotistical moron that thought stars on his collar begat intelligence.  In the military you had to have someone to report to, and for Cole that someone was Wellington.  Unfortunately, The Powers That Be thought it best to explain to Wellington why Cole would be rather low-ranked for the position he was in, and especially when considering his record and official years of service.  Cole knew why.  He didn't blame them really.  He was never going to be ranked high enough where he might be in charge of anything major.  The public notices people in those positions.  People in those positions might be investigated, and there were a few gaps in Cole's history that the public didn't need to know about.

"There you are!" Janice said coming up behind Cole.  She smiled at him, catching the glint of amusement in his eyes.  "Sorry I took so long, but I ran into Debra Whitestone, and she wanted to show me Snowflake and Noel's new matching collars."

"Not a problem," Cole replied, slipping his arm around her.  Wellington almost dropped his glass, especially when Janice smiled at him.

"Benton," she greeted.  "Nice to see you again."  There was something in her tone that said the pleasure was far more hers than his.

He swallowed hard, glancing from her to Cole as if he couldn't quite believe that they were there together.  "It's…ah…good to see you as well," he finally replied.

Janice glanced at Cole, hoping he wouldn't start laughing.  If he did, there was no way she was going to be able to hold back.  "You didn't tell me that you knew Benton," she said in a playfully accusing tone.

"I'm attached to the General's staff at the Pentagon," Cole explained, knowing that Janice would get the difference between being "on his staff" and being "attached to his staff".

Janice elegantly swept a glass of champagne off of the tray of a passing server, and held it up in a toast to Wellington.  "I can see you still have excellent taste then," she commented, and then took a sip.  She looked up at Cole.  "Debra's going to be taking the leopards out in a minute, and asked me to be over there.  Ever pet one before?"

Cole grinned.  "I'm not much of a cat person really," he said, making her snicker.  Wellington caught that little by-play.  His expression didn't change, but Cole caught a few of his mental comments.  She knew?  They seemed to be…together.  How could that be if she knew?  Had she told him about the time…

"But I guess we should get over there anyways," Cole said, blocking off Wellington's thoughts.  He didn't want to know the man that well.  Whatever Janice had over him, if she wanted to say something, she would, but he wasn't going to pry.  There were some things you just didn't need to know.  Cole looked over at the general.  "Happy New Year's to you, sir."  He made his exit with Janice quickly, wandering to the middle of the room where Debra was to be opening the cage.

"I can't believe you have to work for that guy," Janice commented in a low voice, wrinkling her nose for a second with distaste.  "He's such a…a…"

"I know exactly what he is," Cole finished for her.  "But he's the type that won't delve too deeply into what I'm really doing.  He's too pissy that the people that he can only get hold of their secretaries, I have their direct and cell numbers.  That's why I was assigned to his staff and not someone with a clue."  He blew out a breath.  "Everything okay out there?" he asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Fine," she answered, her volume dropping.  Cole could hear her fine anyways.  "It was some paparazzi wanting to see if he could get some pictures.  He probably won't remember much about tonight, but such is life."  Cole snickered as they both seemed to be watching the leopards pacing about, their new diamond and ruby collars twinkling under the lights.

"Looks like someone is trying to hack their heads off," Cole muttered.  The ruby collars were not flattering at all, and looked more like blood dripping down their necks than precious gems.  Janice let out a little laugh.  That was her thought exactly, but Debra was so pleased about them, she wouldn't see how hideous they really were.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Harris Whitestone announced from where the band was playing.  "On behalf of my family, and of course, Snowflake and Noel, we would like to thank you all for coming to celebrate their birth."  Janice rolled her eyes as he babbled on for a few minutes about how endangered they were and how these two were so important to the world.  She checked her watch.  Ten minutes until midnight.  Ten minutes and she was off duty.

"And with that in mind, I know that we will have more of their kind back in the wild, and someday be taken off the endangered species list," Harris finished with a flourish of polite applause from the guests.  "Ah, as I can see, it's almost midnight.  After we officially ring in the New Year, Debra is going to be taking our lovely girls out to personally meet their guests.  Until then, enjoy, and Happy New Year's to you all."  There was another round of applause as he left the microphone and the band started playing again.

"Same speech, different year," Janice muttered.  Cole glanced down at her.  "You can set your watch to it," she explained in a low voice.  "And if you look by the cage door, Debra is pouting because she has to wait to let the cats out."  Cole took a covert glance and bit back a laugh.  Debra, a woman in her mid-fifties, was pouting openly.

At the Whitestone affair, it was tradition that there would be dancing only after Harris gave his speech, and then the first dance would end as the New Year's countdown began.  Janice had no idea who came up with that gem of an idea.  Probably Debra since her and Harris usually led out the first dance.  She was the type that had to be the center of attention at all times.  Janice watched as Harris led his wife to the dance floor and began the first dance with her.  She also noticed the blonde in her early twenties glaring at them.  Odd, Harris's mistress was the redhead by the stairs.  Janice didn't want to analyze the situation further.  Sometimes always noticing the small details was not a gift.

Other couples began filtering onto the dance floor.  A few were a bit unsteady depending on the amount of champagne they had already consumed that evening, but for the most part all was well.  Janice glanced at her watch again.  A few more minutes to go.  She wanted to get out of here so she could really enjoy her night with Cole.  For a moment she thought back to their date when they had walked hand-in-hand on the snowy streets and talked.  If they had a repeat of that, she certainly wouldn't complain even if she had been frozen when they finally got back to her apartment.

"Would you like to dance?"  Cole's question broke through her thoughts.  Janice knew she should say no.  She wasn't allowed to have anything resembling enjoyment for another four minutes.  Then he smiled.

"I'd love to," she said softly.  He took her hand and led her to the dance floor, his arm wrapping around her waist, their eyes meeting as they moved in time to the music.  This wasn't keeping an eye on the crowd.  Who cared, it was wonderful anyways.  Cole normally moved like a regular man, but sometimes his natural sense of grace and rhythm couldn't be contained.

"Why is New Year's so special to you?" Janice asked, more to distract herself from getting completely caught up in him and forgetting where she was than to get an answer.  She had realized that this night was important to Cole for some reason other than the obvious.

He looked a bit embarrassed for a moment.  "It was the first holiday we learned about," he replied softly.  "We didn't know about Christmas or Easter, but we knew that the year did change, and the day it did, there was less personnel on base.  It…it became talismanic to us.  Making it another year.  We always made sure we were together that night."

He was with the people he cared about, Janice thought with a little shiver.  That's why he was so nervous about asking me out.  He only spends it with people that are…special to him.  She couldn't help the brilliant smile from spreading across her face.  She was glad she was with him.  He was rapidly becoming special to her as well.

The music changed to the New Year's countdown, but they continued the slow and easy dance as the crowd around them started to chant.  10…9…8…7…their faces drifted closer together for a kiss at the stroke of midnight, for once neither of them caring about keeping a proper appearance in public.  6…5…4…3…2…Janice could feel his breath against her lips.  Neither was expecting the loud squeal as a body crashed into them.

Cole caught the movement out of the corner of his eye a split second before she actually hit them.  His lightning reflexes pulled Janice to the right slightly, as he took the full impact of the drunken woman tripping on her four inch stiletto heels and tumbling into them.  Her champagne glass slapped against his chest, spilling the contents down his jacket as she fell to the floor, giggling wildly.

"I've fallen, and I can't get up!" she cried out, and then started to laugh again.  Her tight gold dress had ridden up, exposing thighs best left to the imagination.  The man she was with tried helping her up, but she flailed about, demanding another drink in between drunken laughs.  Janice and Cole just looked at each other, disgust written plainly on each other's faces.  She glanced over at the clock, and then back at him.  It was 12:01 AM.

"Ready?" he asked.

"You have no idea," she growled, stepping over the woman on the floor.  Cole took her hand as they fled as quickly as possible, the next shift discreetly coming into play.


	5. After the Party

"So what do I have to do to get you to convince Xander that someone else needs to be assigned to the party next year?" Janice asked as they entered her apartment.  Cole laughed.  He was sure Xander would do it, but Cole knew that one of his siblings had to have a twenty riding on whether or not he would ask a favor from Xander for Janice.  One would think they had something better to do than make wagers on his life, but Cray still had that stupid notebook with the odds written in it.  One day Cole was going to get that thing from the little jerk and burn it.

"I think we could come up with some adequate compensation," he teased, making her laugh at him.  All she would have to do was smile at him and he would put himself in Xander's debt willingly.  Besides, it was very possible that next year they would….they?  He was thinking "they" thoughts?  Were they a couple?  They were dating, and he wasn't seeing anyone else, and neither was she.  They hadn't slept together, but he knew that sex was not one of his criteria for being a couple.  He liked being with her.  Maybe that was the criteria.  He actually liked her.  

Cole sat on the arm of Janice's sofa as he watched her move to a side table, putting down her purse and keys.  There was just something about seeing a woman dressed up like she was, especially when it was the first time you got to witness that event.  She took off her coat, hanging it in the closet, simple, everyday things, but he couldn't take his eyes off of her.  For a moment her back was to him, and there was something decisively sensual about that expanse of bare skin.  It would be so easy to slide up behind her and put his arms around her, undoing the clasp that held the satin material around her neck and…

"Take it off," Janice said, shaking Cole from his thoughts.

He jerked, looking up at her with a little shock.  How the hell had she…?  "What did you say?" he asked.

"Your jacket," she enunciated slowly.  "Hand it here and I'll put something on it to keep that wine from setting in."  She was looking at him like he might have just lost his mind.

"Oh, yeah that," he muttered, standing.  He took off his jacket and handed it too her.  Janice slid it onto a waiting hanger and took it into the kitchen.  She stripped off her own gloves, tossing them casually onto the kitchen table before hunting in a cabinet for a second, pulling out a bottle, and then she sprayed the wine stain.  She glanced at the instructions.

"Allow twenty minutes to set, and then sponge off," she read.  Janice looked at Cole apologetically.  "My mother just gave me this.  She swears by it, but it's the first time I've used it."

Cole shrugged.  "Won't be the first time I've had clothing dissolved by acid," he said.  He reached up and took off his tie.  Stupid thing had been bugging the hell out of him all night.  Ah, much better.  Janice was watching him from the kitchen entryway.

"Want something to drink while you wait?" she offered.  He wasn't tired, and she didn't sound like she was ready for him to leave.

"Yeah, anything without alcohol in it would be great," he said.  He had already had enough to drink tonight.  He had never been a heavy drinker, usually just a couple of beers with Xander were his limit, and he had enough at the party earlier.  She sat down on the couch next to him a second later with a couple of glasses of white grape juice.

"Pre-processed wine," she announced, handing one to him.  He grinned.  She had the weirdest sense of humor.  She grabbed the remote for the sound system and pressed a few buttons.  Music started to flow into the room, playing softly.

They were both sitting at an angle so that they could see each other.  Janice had only flipped on a lamp by the door when they walked in, so the light was still dim in the room.  She knew Cole wasn't bothered by low light, and she actually preferred the dark.  Even with her coat, she had been cold outside, but now it was warm, and the whole setting should have seemed seductive, but it was more comfortable than anything.  She propped her right elbow up on the back of the couch, resting her head in her hand.

"You know," she said softly, "this was the fourth time I had to attend this thing, and it was the first time I enjoyed it."  He smiled back at her.

"Glad to be of service," he replied, keeping his voice low as well.  It just didn't seem right to talk loud at that moment.  Without meaning to, he touched her hair lightly, brushing the side of her face.  Janice closed her eyes, absorbing the sensation.  His fingers rested lightly on her chin for a second, and she opened her eyes again.  There was an intensity to his gaze that made her breath catch in her throat.

"I enjoyed being with you too," he said simply, his blue-gray eyes softer than she had ever seen before.  Janice was having a hard time breathing.  A healthy dose of lust she could deal with.  That was easy.  This was getting too intense for mere lust, and she wasn't sure if she liked it or not.

A great deal of pre-Pulse music had recently come back in style with the songs being remade for a new generation.  One of her favorite remakes started to play.  Janice stood up quickly and held her hand out to Cole.  "We didn't get to finish our dance earlier," she said.  Maybe it wasn't a good idea to have him dancing close, but she had to do something.

Cole stood up, looking down at her, their eyes meeting squarely.  He wished he could tell what she was thinking.  Unless she wanted him to know, she kept her privacy.  Maybe that was what made her so interesting.  No, more than interesting, fascinating.  He'd come to realize how few people ever really were allowed to look into her eyes and see how expressive they could be, like they were right now.  She was nervous about what was happening between them, and he had to admit, so was he.  If they ended up together that night, it was going to change things between them.  Maybe for the better, maybe not.  Only once had Cole cared enough about a relationship to not want to fuck it up royally, and feeling that old desire to actually want to make a woman happy was foreign to him.

Janice liked having a man near her that was taller than she was.  Most men were shorter than she was, especially when she was in heels.  Cole was normally a couple of inches taller than she was, and in heels they were eye to eye.  His arm wrapped around her waist as he took her right hand in his.  Janice's head drifted to his shoulder as they began moving in time to the music.

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.

I'll be your hope; I'll be your love be everything that you need.

I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do.

I will be strong I will be faithful 'cos I'm counting on A new beginning.

A reason for living. A deeper new meaning.

Cole was holding her so closely.  She could feel his cheek against hers, and the light touch of his breath against her neck.  She lifted her head a little.  Their eyes met, and then so did their lips.  Her hand left his so that both arms could intertwine around his neck, and she could feel him wrapping his arms around her back, keeping her as close as possible to him.  

I want to stand with you on a mountain.

I want to bathe with you in the sea.

I want to lay like this forever.

Until the sky falls down on me...

They were still moving slightly to the music, their kiss becoming longer and more passionate.  Janice knew enough about men to know that there were damn few that could make her feel like this, all liquid and strong at the same time.  Cole was exciting; he was different, and not just because of DNA.  He didn't try to treat her like a man; he didn't try to treat her like a fragile piece of china.  Janice knew she didn't want him just as a good friend.  She wanted him as a lover too.

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,

I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry.

The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.

That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of

The highest power. In lonely hours. The tears devour you.

Janice finally had to pull away from their intense kiss.  She did need to breathe a little more often than Cole did.  Again their eyes met, the sheer desire in his eyes would have been a little frightening if it hadn't been tempered with so much tenderness there too.  They didn't need to speak to understand each other at that moment.  For once Cole didn't need any extra ability to know the person he was with.  He wanted her so much, needing to be with her.  For all his strength and ability, there was no way he could tear himself from her arms, from those incredible eyes that were asking him to stay with her.

I want to stand with you on a mountain,

I want to bathe with you in the sea.

I want to lay like this forever,

Until the sky falls down on me...

Their eyes still locked, he reached up behind her neck, and undid the clasp holding the material together.  He was trembling at the feel of her soft skin under his hands.  It was a little embarrassing that he couldn't be suave and debonair at that moment, but emotion was clouding his usual coolness.  Her eyes never left his for a moment, even as his hands slid down her back, unzipping her dress and letting it slide to the floor in a silken puddle around her feet.

Oh can't you see it baby?

You don't have to close your eyes 'cos it's standing right before you.

All that you need will surely come...

Janice had never experienced anything in her life as intensely arousing as that moment was.  She was down to underwear (so glad she took her sister's suggestion and took a little trip to Victoria's Secret the day before) and stockings and heels as they danced in her living room.  They kissed again, bodies pressing even tighter together, and oh, yes, it was very obvious Cole was enjoying himself as well.  He better be.

I'll be your dream I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.

I'll be your hope I'll be your love be everything that you need.

I'll love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do...

Janice pulled herself away from his mouth, and trailed hot kisses down the side of his neck, assaulting his earlobe for a moment, making him shiver, and then continuing back down his neck.  He made the strangest sound; if she didn't know better, she would swear it was a purr.  Her hands came from around his neck and started to rapidly undo the buttons on his shirt.  The material of his clothes was irritating to her sensitized skin, and she wanted to feel his bare flesh against hers.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.

I want to bathe with you in the sea.

I want to lay like this forever.

Until the sky falls down on me...

For a second, Cole wanted to stop Janice, stop all of this and just go.  He couldn't let himself lose control in any situation.  Even if her skin felt like warm silk under his fingers, and her mouth was doing incredible things to his neck, and even if he didn't have to worry about her seeing the back of his neck as she took his shirt off he couldn't lose control of himself.  He didn't have the ability to get emotional about what should just be a physical experience.  Janice pulled his shirt off, and somehow his undershirt too at the same time, and the moment he felt her against him, he knew then without a doubt that it was already too late.  If it was just physical, he could leave.  Hell, he wouldn't care enough to leave.  He'd be gone in an hour.  But with her…he knew whatever she demanded of him, he would give freely.  In that moment of exquisite contact, she had him whether she knew it or not.

Janice wasn't sure for a moment if something was wrong, or very right with Cole.  He held her tightly against him for a moment, only the thin silk of her strapless bra separating them.  She pulled back from him just a little, concerned to see his expression.  For a moment, he seemed like he was in pain, and then pulled her back to him in an incredible kiss that made her forget everything else.  Whatever was bothering him seemed to melt away in the incredible sweetness of their contact.

Her fingers traced down his shoulders and arms as they kissed.  He wasn't bulging with muscle, but he was very well toned, and she knew full well the strength in his body.  He could easily overpower her if he wanted to, but she wasn't afraid of him.  He was letting his kisses and caresses coerce her into surrender, and they were doing a damn fine job of it.

Cole slipped to his knees, for a moment pausing with his forehead against her stomach, inhaling the scent of her skin mixed in with the lightest aura of jasmine.  He wanted to pull her down and take her right there on the floor, he wanted to spend hours exploring every inch of her body, he wanted to stay just like he was, holding her close for the rest of his life.  Her fingers threaded through his hair, feathery touches against his ear making him jump a little.  He had no idea he was so sensitive there.

The sheer eroticism of the moment wasn't lost on Janice.  She had an incredibly strong, powerful man kneeling in front of her, leaning on her, his hands on her hips.  Even the barcode glaring off of the back of his neck, the only thing marring the perfection of his neck and back, was strangely erotic.  He moved slightly, and then she could feel him press several butterfly kisses across her stomach.  Every muscle in her stomach jumped at that contact, and for a moment she thought she was just going to have to pass out.

Cole ran his hands down her long, long legs, feeling the smooth nylon of her stockings under his hands.  Pantyhose weren't sexy.  Stockings were, especially when they ended covering slim high-arched feet that were wearing incredibly sexy heels.  He tugged at the elastic top of the stocking, pulling it down slowly, letting his mouth and tongue follow, kissing the exposed skin.  Janice let out a little gasp as his tongue traced across her inner thigh.  He lifted her leg, vaguely feeling her grab his shoulder for balance, and continued to remove her stocking and shoe.

Janice wasn't sure how they were managing to keep up with the gymnastics with her on one foot and him on his knees.  By the time he started taking off her other stocking and shoe, she didn't care anymore.  Had she ever been this turned on in her life?  His teeth scraped against her thigh lightly, making her cry out, and then he had her foot in hand.  He looked up at her with an almost mischievous grin and then took her toes into his mouth.  The sensation was a strange cross of arousing and tickling at the same time, but after a few seconds, she decided that arousing had won over tickling.

Janice pulled away from him just a bit to regain her footing.  Yeah right he didn't have a thing for feet.  He could have more time with her feet later.  She wanted his hands and mouth all over the rest of her as well.  One finger caught him under his chin, tilting his face up to hers.  She pressed up gently, and he got the hint, standing up slowly, his body rubbing against her exposed skin.  She shivered, her eyes closing to absorb the sensation.  They really hadn't done much at all and she was already aching with desire for him.

They kissed again, and Cole wasn't surprised in the least when she guided his hands to the clasp of her bra.  She wasn't the shy type, and he knew she wanted this.  He was a little embarrassed fumbling with the clasp for a second, making himself resist the urge to just to rip the thing off.  He could feel her grinning against his neck at the slight awkwardness.  That was enough.  With a little growl, he grabbed the elastic beside the clasps and yanked hard, ripping the hooks out and solving the problem the direct way.

Cole let the bit of silk and lace flutter to the floor as he finally began to fondle her breast.  God, her skin was so soft there.  Her breast made a generous handful in his palm as he ran his thumb over her nipple.  Janice knew if he were to let go of her for a second she would melt into a puddle on the floor.  He was doing everything so right.  She hated it when guys just started pawing and pinching.  Cole's light touches were so much more arousing.  She couldn't help a soft cry of pleasure when he leaned over and took the hard peak into his mouth.

It was her moan that did Cole in completely, totally.  There was nothing fake or contrived in that.  The honest passion in her voice and face was too much.  Most of the women he'd been with were so false.  They were going through the motions, taking whatever they could from him, and giving nothing of their real selves in return.  Cole didn't need to read Janice's mind to know that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.  It wasn't a physical thing.  Not anymore.  He needed her.  Not a warm body, her.

Janice felt Cole scoop her up into his arms easily.  They stood there for a moment, kissing passionately and then he carried her into her bedroom.  Janice wasn't sure if she'd ever had a man do that for her before.  When she was younger, boys never thought of that, and after she was an adult, most men had a hard time picking up a six-foot tall woman.  Cole didn't seem to have a problem doing it.  Janice didn't have a problem with him doing it.  It was terribly romantic in an old-fashioned sort of way, especially how he kept kissing her even as he laid her gently on the bed.

Cole was still standing as he slid his hands down her body, catching her panties and peeling them off so that she was totally nude.  There was a little light coming through the window from a streetlight, not that it mattered to Cole, but she liked being able to see him.  He couldn't stop staring at her.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered before he knew he was going to.  There was something in his voice that moved Janice.  He sounded so young for a moment.  She sat up in bed, taking his hands in hers.  

The words 'we don't have to' trembled on her lips.  She wanted to, God knew she wanted to, but not if it wasn't going to be right.  She liked Cole, liked him very much.  Maybe even more than liked him.  She wanted this to be right between them.  She didn't have to say it.  He leaned over and kissed her so sweetly instead.  It almost reminded her of their first kiss, him just touching her neck, and lasting and lasting.  When they parted, the confusion was cleared, and she knew for sure that he wanted this to happen as much as she did.

She smiled up at him, and deftly undid his belt and then the buttons on his slacks, sliding down the zipper.  Cole could feel his breathing getting ragged as she undressed him completely.  His clothes slipped to the floor and he kicked them off, trying to keep from shoving her back and taking her right then and there, especially when her hands were caressing him lightly.

Beautiful, Janice thought as she ran her hands over the most intimate parts of his body.  He was like a living sculpture.  Simply perfect.  It was so erotic to hear his gasps and moans of pleasure as she stroked his hot flesh.  Before she even knew she was going to do it, she leaned over and took him into her mouth, his immediate cry of "oh my God" and hand clinching in her hair proof enough he liked it.

Cole finally had to gently disentangle Janice from him, pushing her back onto the bed and kissing her as their bodies stretched out together.  God, she had no idea how close she had come to making him lose it.  It had literally been years since a woman could do that to him.  She was so soft under him, wrapping around him, hands all over him, encouraging him, making him shiver when she brushed his ear.

He finally broke off from her mouth, kissing his way down her body, pausing for a moment to enjoy her perfect breasts before slipping down her stomach.  Janice seemed to know what he was planning, her body arching up slightly to meet his mouth and tongue.  So beautiful, he thought as he finally closed in on his target, tasting her, feeling her pleasure in her movements and echoing in his head, one magnifying the other.

(cole I want you to, oh god baby, please…oh jan yes, need you too sweetheart)

"Cole, please!"  Janice heard herself cry out, her need for him overwhelming.  His mouth suddenly moved away from her, and then she felt him entering her body, possessing her completely, more than any man had managed to before in her life.  He was everywhere, in her body, in her mind, and there was no way she could deny him anything.  It wasn't like the time before when she felt him in her head, that brutal intrusion, this was so much a part of the physical act, it was like they were always meant to be together, a completed circle.

The last thing Cole was expecting was to have her totally open herself to him, body and mind.  He couldn't stop himself from getting so incredibly caught up in her, not wanting to let her go, to ever release her.  It had been so long since he'd ever spoken back when he "heard" someone mentally, and in those moments of closeness, he felt as though Janice could hear him, maybe not the words, but the feelings and emotion ripping down all walls and barriers.

One by one the barriers between dimensions fell, mental and physical, real and unreal, spiritual and earthly, they all collapsed in on themselves leaving Cole alone with Janice in a place akin to Heaven itself.  The only thing that mattered to him was her, her voice, her skin, her pleasure.  For a moment their eyes locked, and time seemed to stand still.  So much there.  So much passion…caring…more than caring maybe.

The world suddenly seemed to shatter all around them as the pleasure suddenly broke.  Janice could feel every muscle in her body contracting in a white-hot wave, her nails digging into Cole's skin, not caring about anything except for this wonderful man and what he was doing to her body.  For a moment she couldn't breathe and somewhere thought she was going to faint, but then she heard Cole's sob of sheer pleasure, and felt his climax deep inside of her body.

For someone genetically engineered and trained to run miles in full gear without breathing hard, it was amazing to Cole how hard he was gasping for breath as they lay together, their limbs intertwined.  There hadn't been any holding back, no reserves at all with her.  Out of habit, he was briefly annoyed with her for being so clingy and not letting go of him.  Then he realized that he was the one holding onto her like a life raft in a storm.  Normally he would move away and lie in bed for about fifteen minutes, maybe a half an hour, and then be out the door.

He couldn't make himself let her go.  There lips were still meeting occasionally as breathing took on a more regular rhythm, his hands drifting all over her body, but still holding her close.  Janice rested her face against his chest; her body limp with satiation, feeling closer to him than she had ever felt with anyone before.  There was still that soft, gentle presence of him in her mind, but she didn't care what he might see in there.  There was something so right about it all.  Her eyes closed, his strong arms around her making her feel so warm and protected.  Within seconds she was sleeping against his body.

Cole felt Janice sleeping in his arms, and knew he couldn't move.  He was tired for once.  And she felt so good against him.  He was half asleep already, and she was so soft.  He could still smell her, still taste her.  Her leg was wrapped around his, her pretty toes touching his ankle.  Should go.  Couldn't.  Not this once.  Wouldn't matter.  His lips pressed lightly against her hair, and he slept, still cradling her against him.  


	6. Waking Up is Hard to Do

For the barest moment after waking, Cole lay in bed unable to process anything but sensation.  Restfulness.  Satiation.  Peace.  Comfortable.  Soft body against him felt good.  Then rational thought jumped into full action.  His chest felt like it locked as he realized what he was doing, had done.  He was still there.  He had thought and felt and said…oh God, all of it, no, he hadn't, oh God, he had.  Hell, he was so entangled with Janice, it wasn't just her being clingy, it was him wrapping around her body.

He carefully unwrapped himself from her, getting out of bed quickly as he cursed himself over and over.  Janice muttered a bit as she stretched out in bed, one hand reaching out to where he had just been.  The urge to get back into bed with her was overwhelming.  He grit his teeth and grabbed his pants and shoes from where they had been discarded earlier.

Liar!  A voice full of righteous fury screamed at him in his head.  Betrayer!  Liar!  You swore, you lying bastard!  You swore!  Self-disgust made his stomach clinch and for a moment Cole thought he was going to throw up.  It was just once, he thought weakly.  Once is more than enough that voice, the voice of his conscience, raged at him.  You lied.  You made a promise…you swore to HER, and you betrayed it.

Oh God, it was right.  He had promised…and now…and now he had to get out of there quickly.  He moved fast to the living room, the mental rant becoming stronger and stronger.  He had known what he was doing, and he did it anyways.  Liar!  The scream was getting more insistent, building in intensity, echoing in every chamber of his mind.

Cole grabbed the edge of the couch, doubling over as he bit back a scream.  He was gasping hard, trying to not shout back that he hadn't meant to.  It didn't matter.  He had done it, and there was no going back.  He had made a promise, the promise that had kept him alive, and he broke it.  Plain and simple.  He had never in his life felt so loathsome as he did at that moment.  

He glanced up the hallways as he got a little more control over himself.  He wanted to hate her for doing this to him, making him forget for even a moment.  It wasn't her fault though.  She had simply been…incredible, and he didn't want to turn that away.  She didn't know.  He did, and that was what counted in the end.  He had failed the one person who had never once thought he would, and in doing so, failed himself.  

"I'm sorry," he whispered.  "Oh God, I am so sorry."

There was no reply.  The screaming of his conscience had even stopped as if it too was too disgusted to even want to castigate him further.  It deserved to be.  He had down some horrific things in his life, but this…this was the worst of them all.  Cole threw on his pants and grabbed his shirt from where it was laying beside the couch, sliding the undershirt on, not even bothering to button his shirt.  His jacket was still on the hanger in the kitchen.  Amazingly, it looked fine despite the fact they forgot to sponge the cleaning agent off twenty minutes after applying.  He shoved his arms into it, forcing his feet into his shoes.

Cole paused once as he opened the door, looking back to where Janice was still sleeping peacefully.  The memory of being with her, how incredibly intimate the whole encounter had been flooded his mind.  She had let him see so much, things she might not even know herself, and she didn't care.  And he was going to just walk out on her.  Maybe you should just go back to her, a tiny voice whispered.  What does it matter now?  You liked it.  You know you did.  You like her.

He shook his head, cutting off those thoughts.  It was too tempting.  But what would she want with him anyways?  If she knew…no, she would never know, and it didn't matter anyways.  He was the screw-up, the one that had brought it all on himself.  He knew better, but he had pushed and pushed, and here he was.  God, he wanted to hit something, break something, anything to get out this fury, but the only thing he could destroy to really punish the cause was himself.

He whipped around quickly and moved fast for the elevator.

******

Janice woke up feeling absolutely wonderful.  Granted, it had been a while since she'd had sex, but this was so much more than physical satiation.  She rolled over; smiling as she thought that if the night before had been sweet, the coming day would be better still.  Her smile faded as she realized she was alone in her bed.  She blinked, not wanting to believe it.  She listened for a moment, but all she could hear was outside noises from the streets below and the other apartments around her.  Her hand traced along the sheets where Cole had been just a few hours before.  They were cool as if his body heat had never warmed them at all.

She sat up, confusion filling her mind, echoing in her expression.  "Cole?" she called out, hoping that she was wrong, that he had just gone into the kitchen to get something to drink or something like that.  Maybe he had just been hungry.  He had certainly expended a lot of energy, and he did tend to eat a lot, and he had to be in the bathroom or kitchen because there was just no way that he was gone.

Silence answered her call.  She slipped out of bed, grabbing her robe from the back of the door, and moved out into her apartment.  The silence said everything for her.  Maybe he had gotten paged, and had been needed at work.  The pad of paper by her phone was empty.  No note on the fridge or the table or the door.  Not a green zinnia to be found, she thought bitterly.  This was not happening.  Last night wasn't just a fling.  She'd had a couple of those before.  No fling could match the intensity of last night, not the sex, but how incredibly close they had been right then.  For the briefest second, she would have sworn she could read his mind as well.  That was not a fling.  Oh God, please don't let have been a fling.

We made love and then he left, she thought as she moved into the living room, trying to force her mind to accept the course of events.  He didn't say anything, just got up and left.  We made love.  He left.  No note.  No "I'll call you later".  Just…nothing.  No, she thought, fury rising up in her.  We didn't make love; he fucked me then walked out.  That…that…

"Bastard!" she screamed, grabbing the nearest thing to her hand, a glass still half-filled with grape juice, and hurled it into the door.  Old juice saturated her door and carpet as the shards of glass flew in all directions.  A single sob escaped her as she slid to her knees, the tears already sliding down her cheeks.


	7. Domestic Disturbance

Xander was flipping through his magazine for the third time already, not reading it, but not caring either.  He was more or less thinking about the time.  If everything had been conventional, then Cole should have been home no later than two or so.  It was now almost 4:30 AM and he still wasn't snug in his bed.  Let's see, the odds against it being tonight was about three-to-one in Cray's book.  So, Tynell, Lon and Shawna were all going to have to pay up.  Karen was going to kick Ty's ass over making more bets like this, but that was his problem.

Their house was actually two separate apartments that shared a kitchen.  It had worked well for them since the kitchen was on the first floor, and the stairs leading to the upstairs apartment was right off of the kitchen.  Xander had the downstairs, and Cole had the upstairs.  They normally each had their privacy, but still had the companionship of living together.  Normally Xander let Cole have his privacy, but there was no way he was letting his darling brother get away without 'fessing up tonight.  Xander sipped his coffee and grinned when he heard the key in the lock.  The grin faltered slightly when Cole walked in.

He had seen Cole look grim before.  He had seen him after leading norm soldiers on maneuvers through hostile terrain with no sleep and little food.  Seeing him walk through the kitchen door, he looked worse.  That was either a very good, or a very bad thing.  Xander finished his coffee and hoped for the best.

"Hey bro," he greeted Cole.  "That must have been one mean…uh…score."

Cole's eyes met his coldly.  For a moment Xander was actually scared of him.  There was no emotion at all.  "Fuck off," Cole muttered, and then turned to go upstairs.

 Following directions not being one of Xander's stronger points, he got up and followed Cole anyways.  "What the hell happened to you?" he asked.  Or what didn't happen, he wondered to himself.  The guy looked like he'd just been through hell.  Twice.  On a rug of sharpened spikes.  With clowns on either side of him.

"Fuck off," Cole snapped more firmly this time.

"Oh, I get it," Xander said sarcastically.  "That's what she said, right?"  He got a cold stare as an answer, before Cole turned and headed up the stairs.  Cole had never once refused to tell him if he did or didn't strike out.  What the hell?  He took his life in his hands and followed Cole upstairs.

Cole was taking off his tux jacket, and Xander bit back a smile.  Something happened between them tonight.  There were only so many ways to get a hickey on your neck, and Cole wasn't the type to use a vacuum cleaner.  "You going to tell me what crawled up your ass and died or what?" he asked.

Cole glared at him.  "Most people interpret being told to fuck off as get the hell out of my face."

"But it's so much more fun to piss you off," Xander replied sweetly.  "You slept with her.  Was it that bad?"

The oddest look flashed across Cole's face.  Xander knew how he'd interpret it, but that wouldn't work right with Cole.  Cole wasn't like that.  Cole didn't get…the way he was getting now.  Cole stood, and strode to Xander menacingly.  He had four inches on Xander, and used every one of them to intimidate.  "I'm going to tell you this once," he said with deadly calmness.  "Stay the fuck out of this.  I don't want to talk and I don't want to hear any shit.  And I will personally remove the spine of anyone who makes a wager on it."

It hit Xander what was wrong.  Cole liked Janice.  That was obvious.  That was the only reason there was wagering going on.  Cole liked her.  It had been so long since he had been around a woman and acted like he had been, like a kid with a crush.  He'd been such a dip lately that it was funny as hell.  Xander had gotten used to Cole coming home after having sex with some chick that had thrown herself at him, just knowing she would be the one to capture his cold heart.  They never did.  He had been so different with Janice, but still he was home.

"You fucked her and left, didn't you?" Xander asked, the slightest bit of disgust leaking through.  If you cared about a woman, you didn't leave afterwards.  That was just common sense.  Cole didn't say anything, but the guilt on his face was evident.  "Damn, Cole, why?  There's nothing wrong with liking someone, wanting to have a relationship with her.  Hell, Ty got married.  You're not that much different."

"It's not your problem," Cole said heatedly, turning away and sitting heavily on a footstool.  "And don't give me any shit about her being one of your agents and that making it your business."

"She can take care of herself," Xander replied in the same tone.  "You're my brother, so that does make it my business.  What the hell is the matter with you?"

There was no response.  Why would Cole be so freaked about being with someone?  It wasn't like he'd never had a real relationship before.  That thought mentally froze Xander for a second.  Oh hell.  No.  No way.  He wouldn't have even known of it, except for the fact that Cole had only told him about her two years before.

"The last time you actually spent the night with a woman was Dana, wasn't it?" Xander asked accusingly.

Cole was on his feet in a flash.  "You do not even want to get on that topic with me," he snarled.  Most people would have backed down right then and there.  Xander was not most people.  Cole was normally very good at keeping a blank face, but the agony in his eyes was so plain a blind man could see it.

"Christ Cole, you were sixteen when she died!" Xander yelled.  "You've had thirteen years to get over it.  She's dead.  She's fucking dead and nothing is changing that."  He had more to say on the subject, but fury gave Cole an edge of speed, and the next thing Xander knew, he was flat on his back, blood spurting from his nose.

Neither of them spoke for a second, both of them too shocked for words.  A little knife fight among siblings was to be expected, but none of them had ever broken anything intentionally before.  Cole's mouth opened once, and then snapped shut as he spun on his heel and stormed into his bedroom.  

Xander got to his feet unsteadily.  He pulled off his t-shirt and used it to catch most of the blood that was still pouring from his nose.  It was pretty common for them to use each other to get some aggression out.  He knew that Cole needed it sometimes.  He hadn't counted on a broken nose.  Painfully, he went downstairs to the kitchen to call Shawna for some medical attention and to get an ice pack.  Xander knew he had pushed the line, but not crossed it entirely.  Therefore, Cole was going to have to pay.  Oh yes, he would pay.


	8. Professional Disturbance

"Major?"

Cole looked up sharply from the report he was supposed to be writing.  Wellington was over the liaison sector of the Air Force.  His people kept things smooth between the military and civilian organizations such as the CIA and NSA and worked with organizing visits from important civilians to different installations.  For once Cole didn't mind the interruption.  His report on security for a visit of the British Prime Minister to a base where British and American pilots were training consisted of  "Keeping security in mind, the best route to see a maximum of the points of interest would be".  He'd been working on it for three hours.

"What is it sergeant?" he asked.  He thought the woman was a clerk for Wellington, but he wasn't too sure.  The general's staff didn't interest him much.  They didn't know how much in depth his liaison work went, and he didn't want them to know that there was a hell of a lot more involved than just making sure dignitaries got around bases without a hitch.

"General Wellington would like to see you, sir," she informed him.

"Thank you," Cole replied curtly in dismissal.  She hesitated a moment, and then left his office quickly.  Most people leapt into the air at a summons from the great and almighty General Wellington.  The fact Cole didn't unnerved most of the other staff.  They knew there was something different about him.  Nothing intimidated him, and he seemed to be off doing a lot of other things for someone who was supposed to be babysitting some politician.

Cole was not in a mood to talk to the general.  Usually it was all about something Cole had done for a member of the joint chiefs.  Wellington would want a full debriefing on why Cole had run off with the Army or the NSA, or why the general had gotten a faint glimpse of Cole's profile helping the President escape China last year when rioting threatened him during a visit.  Cole had learned the best defense was to simply say, "You're not cleared to know".  He'd be thrown out then with some posturing and sputtering.

He actually hadn't heard anything from on high since they had run into each other at the party two weeks before.  Cole locked his computer and headed out into the hall, trying his best not to think of the party.  It wasn't the party that was bothering him.  It was the afterwards.  Xander had finally started talking to him again, so that wasn't an issue.  Cole knew what the issue was, but this wasn't the time or the place to even think about that.

Cole opened the door to the general's office.  It was actually more of a reception room, with Wellington's secretary behind her desk, and two doors off of the room, one to the general, and the other to a smaller office housing the general's personal aide, Lt. Colonel Andrews.  The secretary managed to get one eyebrow raised in question as he approached.  She was the one person on the general's staff Cole actually liked.  Rank didn't intimidate her either.  Nobody got past her.  Ever.

"General Wellington sent for me," Cole said.

She managed a quick twitch of the lips that might have been a smile, before pressing the intercom button.  "Major Lydecker to see you, sir," she announced.  There was a pause.

"Send him in," Wellington replied.

Cole took a deep breath and entered.  He wasn't sure what Wellington wanted this time.  Everything had been rather calm lately.  Well, at least it had been at work.  Home was a different story.  He'd had to deal with Xander not talking to him, Shawna knifing his car tires, and Cray calling him just to let him know that the next time he was on the East Coast, he was going to do something rather vile as well.  All that had nothing to do with Janice.  They were pissed at him for decking Xander, even if he deserved it.  But they didn't know he deserved it, so he was stuck.

Cole walked in front of the general's desk, and snapped to attention.  "Reporting as ordered, sir," he said crisply, just as he had done since he could walk and talk.

Wellington eyed Cole for a long moment.  Although he didn't know all of the details about Manticore, he knew enough to understand Cole's seemingly respectful behavior was more habit than real respect.  "At ease, Major," he finally said.  Cole relaxed and waited for the first volley.

"How is your report coming concerning the Prime Minister's visit?" he asked Cole.  Ah, the old bait and switch.  Maybe if Cole hadn't have been learning interrogation techniques since he was five or six, he might have fallen for it and thought that Wellington was really interested in the Prime Minister.  Eventually he hoped Wellington would get to the real reason he was in there.  He had a ton of work to do, and even if it was a Friday, Cole knew he was going to be there very late.  It seemed over the last couple of weeks, working eighteen-hour days was becoming standard.  Nothing to do with the fact home really sucked right now either.  More like he didn't want time to think.

"I have all of the information gathered, and I'm working on compiling it now," Cole answered.  If he could keep his mind in one place for more than five minutes, it would have long been done.  Maybe it was a lack of sleep.  Even the genetically engineered needed a little every now and then.

"Very good," Wellington said, and then paused again.  Here it comes, Cole thought morosely.  Maybe it had something to do with that phone call last week from…

"Special Agent Janice Miller, CIA," Wellington said, breaking into Cole's thoughts.  That was not what he had expected to hear.  The hairs on the back of his neck stood up.  He didn't want to talk to anyone about Janice, especially not this moron.  The slightest edge of a smirk touched Wellington's mouth, and Cole was feeling very defensive.  Whatever Wellington was thinking, self-satisfaction was coloring it to the point where all other thoughts, if he could have more than one at a time, were clouded.

"Maybe you didn't realize that I would recognize her," he continued, sounding smug as he leaned back in his chair.  "It concerns me greatly when I see one of my people off doing things with the CIA, and I was not informed of it.  I know you consider yourself above my command, but liaisons with the CIA is my command."  He stood, glaring at Cole.  "Are we clear on that?"

Cole was picking up little tidbits about the general's thoughts.  There was a vague worry about not knowing things, possibly being replaced, and the slightest thrill at nailing him finally.  He briefly considered snapping the general's neck, but decided that would be the least mature of all options.  Instead, he did the thing that annoyed the general the most.  He kept his expression completely blank, giving nothing away.

"Very clear," Cole replied.  There was a pause, and Cole caught Wellington's frustration that he wasn't trying to explain himself or apologize.  It was irritating when one's commanding officer kept forgetting one was better trained at interrogation and psych warfare than he was.  But sometimes it was amusing as well.

"I want to know right now what you were doing with Agent Miller," Wellington said slowly, in a tone that had most of his staff heading for the hills when it was used.  Cole didn't flinch.  Wellington was nothing compared to Dad in full tirade after they had screwed up.

"Escorting her at the party, sir," Cole replied calmly, disguising how much he didn't want to be discussing this with Wellington.  He didn't want to think about the party, because if he did, he'd have to think about after they left, and that would just lead him back into the circle his mind seemed to have been trapped in ever since.

Wellington's jaw clinched.  "I don't give a damn what special clearance you think you have.  I get one more half-truth out of you and we're talking a court-martial.  I'll ask you one more time.  What were you doing with her on New Year's Eve?"

"And I will answer one more time," Cole replied with steel in his voice.  "I received a personal invitation from her to be her escort."  Now Cole caught what the general couldn't get through his head.  He didn't want to believe that Janice knew about Cole, but was still out on a date with him.  That was the stumbling block, and it was easier to think Cole was there working.

"CIA doesn't go there for fun," Wellington said challengingly.

For a moment Cole could hear Janice's voice.  "This was the fourth time I had to attend this thing, and it was the first time I enjoyed it."  God, he wanted to hear her voice again.  He had wanted to call her and try to explain, but it was easier to leave it like this.  Xander hadn't mentioned seeing her at Langley and how she was doing, but then again, Xander hadn't said much of anything to him.

"I was aware she had some business to attend to, sir," Cole said, wanting to get out of this more and more.  What was he supposed to answer?  We just danced and went back to her place and had sex then I panicked and left?  "If you'll remember, I was waiting for her to return when we met."

Wellington glared at him.  "You are going to tell me every detail of that night ten times if that's what I want."  Cole's jaw clinched.  His eyes met the general's coldly, staring him down easily.

"What I did that night and whom I was with is personal 'sir'," he said icily, making sure the general could hear the quotes around the 'sir'.  "If you want to know what the CIA was doing there, ask them yourself.  I know better than to ask questions I'm not cleared to know the answers to," he added pointedly.

"Are you telling me you're carrying on a personal relationship with a member of the Central Intelligence Agency?" Wellington asked incredulously.

That stung, and for just an instant, even Wellington could see that hit Cole hard.  There was this sickening feeling as Cole realized he wanted to say yes.  It was impossible, stupid, and another sick betrayal, but his weakest side wanted to say yes.  It was getting harder to breathe in the office, and he had to get out of there quickly.  Damn Wellington!  Everything would have been fine if he hadn't of started in on the questioning.

"I'm saying that as long as my personal behavior falls within standards of the Uniformed Code of Military Conduct, it remains personal," Cole replied.

"When it could potentially affect my command, it is not personal," Wellington snapped back.  Now Cole picked up on something, something more concrete about Wellington being retired and replaced.  God, he did not need his relationship screw-up to be part of a political pissing contest.  Wellington sneered at him.  "I thought you little mutants knew who owned you, and your so-called personal life."

Now he got a reaction.  Deliberately Cole walked up to the general so that they were bare inches apart.  Deadly menace radiated from him.  Wellington paled slightly as a small smile touched the edges of Cole's mouth.  "You really want to remind me what I was designed for?" Cole asked deliberately.  Wellington couldn't speak.  "I didn't think so," Cole said with that same dangerous ice.  He turned on his heel and walked out of the office.

Cole managed to get to the secretary's desk when the door behind him opened.  Fuck.  He didn't think Wellington had the courage to follow him.  "I am not done with you!" Wellington snapped.  Cole whipped back around, eyes harsh, mouth set.  He was not going to have what happened put on display.  It was enough that Xander knew.  There was no way he was going to explain everything to anyone else.

Wellington was so obviously in a rage that it was nearly comical.  "How dare you walk out without permission!" he shouted, forgetting dignity and protocol.  The secretary's eyebrows shot up so far they almost leapt above her hairline, and Andrews stepped out of his office to see what was the matter.  "In my twenty-seven years of military service I have never seen a more insubordinate officer…"

Cole cut him off easily, his voice rising over the general's without any difficulty.  "And in my thirty-nine years of military service I have yet to see a more incompetent fuck-up of a commanding officer, and that includes the son of a bitch that we killed when he tried to sell my sister for spare parts.  No wonder they're about to get someone in here who has a clue as to what he's doing."

There was complete silence for a moment.  Their audience was stunned into silence as they did a little math.  There was no way Lydecker was over forty.  How the hell did he have that much time in then?  Who was "we" and whom did "we" kill?  Neither of them was about to interrupt to ask though.  

"They're going to bury you under the prison after the court martial gets through with you," Wellington promised.  

Cole smirked and glanced down at the secretary.  "Write this down," he ordered and then spit out ten numbers.  She looked confused but wrote them down anyways.  He looked back at Wellington with a sneer.  "Call that and tell him you're going to court martial X-6-604 and why," he said, and then walked out of the office.

He stormed back into his office, not noticing the people around him getting out of his way as if there was some magnetic wave pushing them away.  There had never been shouting coming from the general's office before, and even if they didn't know exactly what was being said, nobody wanted to be around it for any reason.  Cole thought for a moment about the stacks of work he needed to do, then grabbed his coat and briefcase.  Screw it.  He was out of there.

Back in Wellington's office, his secretary dialed the number hesitantly.  "Who is it?" Wellington barked impatiently when her eyes widened and she paled after telling the other end who she was calling for.

"It's…it's the president, sir," she replied.

He blinked.  "The President…?" he asked, hoping he was mistaken.

"Of the United States, sir," she clarified, listening again for a moment.  "He wants to know how you got his personal cell phone number."  She covered the phone.  "He wants to talk to you.  He sounds…rather upset."

Mother of God, Wellington thought as he took the phone and spoke to this commander-in-chief for the first time in his career.


	9. Sacred Places

If he really cared, Cole probably would have been cold, but the January air couldn't touch the ice in his soul.  The last twenty-four hours was still a blur.  He had gone home, and was glad to see Xander was still at work.  Cole had no idea what he was going to do, or what he even wanted.  Xander would have encouraged him to talk to him or call Alicia or something, but he wanted to be alone.  Nobody understood.  They didn't get it.  What do you do when you have to live after the good part of your life is over?

The others had relationships and dated and it didn't bother them.  Alicia's life was obvious.  Xander, well, Cole knew what the deal was with him.  Cray liked "playing the field".  Ty was very happy in his marriage to Karen.  Lon had tried the marriage route, but he and Vicki called it quits after about four years.  She had known there was something he was keeping from her, and that doomed it from the start, but the point was that he tried it.  They all thought Cole was just hanging on to excess baggage from Manticore, and trying to be the tough lone wolf.  They didn't understand.

It was face Xander or get the hell out of there.  Maybe it was the coward's way, but Cole threw a few things in a gym bag and headed out the door after changing into civilian clothes.  He thought his decisions were random, but he come here of all places.  He was cold and tired and the last thing he wanted was to be here.  To have to explain why he had broken his promise to Dana.

The paths they had once used were overgrown with brambles that hid in the snow to rip and tear at clothing and flesh, but Cole didn't notice.  His feet found the right paths instinctively while his mind was stuck in the past.  Everything was the same as it had been all those years ago.  He'd been back here once after Alicia left, the day they discovered what was going to happen to them after Manticore dissolved.  Cole had been relived that the Alpha Team's speech had been accepted, and they were going to be placed into different branches of service.  He'd come out here to say good-bye to everything, and be a Manticore soldier for another hour before becoming an Air Force pilot.

And then there he was.  The trees parted into a clearing with one huge and gnarled tree in the middle.  It was dead now, the leaves somewhere beneath the snow, but the tree was ancient, and would return to life with the thaw.  Cole looked around.  Maybe the forest had encroached a little, but not enough to really make a difference.  It was still their place.  It was so easy to remember the day the three of them had found it during escape and evasion training.  Training was forgotten as they explored the monstrous tree, some of its long limbs thicker than their own bodies.  None of them had to say anything.  They knew right off the bat that this was a special place.  Whatever happened, they could come here and talk it out no matter what.

Cole remembered the first time he'd come here after him and Dana…after…after they had finished a mission faster than it was thought possible and had over a day to kill at the rendezvous site.  They had always been closer to each other than any of the others.  How were they to know the difference between loving a sibling and loving for real?  But somehow they had, and Cole could remember every single detail of that exquisite night when they had both lost their virginity to each other.  He could still see her face, her eyes wide with the new sensations.  Embarrassment at his own clumsiness.  Hell, they were only fourteen.  The first time he had brought pleasure to her.  All the smiles and laughter and passion.

And then they had come home, and been separated.  Cole had come here, and Alicia was waiting for him.  At least, that's what it had seemed like.  She was just there.  He'd climbed up and confessed everything.  She had listened to everything.  The only thing he hadn't told her was about the expanding mental abilities that Dana had confessed she was having as well.  For some reason, they both knew not to tell anyone.  Alicia had been quiet for a long time after hearing the story and then finally warned him to be careful.

"You know what will happen if anyone finds out, don't you?" she'd asked.  He had nodded.  "Then be really, really careful and don't get caught."  That wasn't the reaction he was expecting from Alicia.  An explosion of profanity was more her style.  Then again, there had never been a display like that in this place.  It was a place of calm and soothing, not wild displays.  And maybe that was why so many years later; Cole was freezing himself as he stood there, one hand out to gently caress the rough bark.

"Dana," he whispered, saying her name aloud for the first time in so many years.  He leaned his forehead against the tree, remembering so easily everything about her.  "I'm so sorry my love," he whispered, not noticing the tears that were on his face.  "I know I swore to you that I would never get close like that to anyone else.  I am so sorry, Angel.  I never meant to betray you.  You were the only person the always believed me no matter what.  I let you down.  I'm sorry…it won't happen again."

Across the span of time he could hear her voice.  "Remember me, Cole.  Never forget."

"I can't forget you," he murmured.  "I never meant to fall in love with you.  They think I should just forget about you, but I can't.  I can't."

Cole lifted his head sharply, sensing someone near.  His eyes swept the edges of the clearing, and spotting her easily.  She wasn't trying to hide, but she wasn't exactly announcing her presence either.  Cole really didn't care though.  He had thought he wanted to be alone, to deal with it alone as he had always.  But he hadn't dealt with it alone.  He'd had Alicia to keep him sane, and once again, she was the one standing there, being there for him as she always had in one way or the other.

Alicia had been leaning against a tree, watching him for several minutes.  For once, she had no idea what to say to Cole.  Even the first time she'd seen him after being gone for four years she had been able to walk right up to him and talk.  This was different.  Maybe it was this place.  It had been so long since she had been here, hell, it had been a long time since she'd even thought of it.  After all these years, it was still their place though, their talks and laughter and fights still clinging to the trees in a ghostly echo, and then suddenly Alicia knew what she needed to say.

She was maybe fifteen feet away from Cole, and when she spoke, her voice was low, but still carried through the cold January air.  "Did I ever tell you about the nightmares I used to have?" she asked, finally walking to him.

"I just knew you were having bad dreams," he said softly, not sure what the hell she was trying to get at.  He was too tired to try and grab it from her mind.  

"It was always the same," she said, and then pointed to the far end of the clearing.  "It was always here, and I would walk into this place right over there."  She started walking to the tree, acting out the dream more than remembering it.  "The helicopter wreckage was all over the place, and I could smell it burning and the smoke would sting my eyes."  She smiled bitterly.  "That's when I would try and wake myself up by telling myself it was just a dream because the accident was nowhere near here.  Never worked."

"I would see her standing there, right at the base of the tree," Alicia continued, pointing.  She was almost floating towards it, every detail still so clear in her mind.  "And I would tell her over and over that I was sorry, and ask her to forgive me."  She paused, trying not to cry thinking about it.  When she picked back up there was a definite tremor to her voice.  "I would tell myself not to go to her because I knew what was going to happen, but I would every time anyways.  She would turn around, and instead of it being Dana, it was this…this burned corpse.  And it was always reaching for me…accusing me…hating me for what I had done to her."

Alicia shivered, feeling like she was coming back to reality.  She turned back to Cole.  "I had that same dream over and over for years.  It went away for a while, but whenever I was under stress, it was waiting for me every night.  After I had Daniel, I thought I was having it because Dana was accusing me of abandoning you all.  There was a point where I was on the verge of contacting you and going back to Manticore."

Cole blinked.  He had never heard Alicia admit to that.  He knew she had left Zack for about a month when Heather was a baby, and he was pretty sure he knew what she had done while she was gone, but that was after Manticore had been dissolved.  She had wanted to go back before then?  What the hell did all this have to do with Dana anyways?

"I never called you though," Alicia continued.  "I couldn't leave my baby and I couldn't leave Zack, and when we found out that Manticore had been ended, the dreams stopped for a while, and I felt better, but eventually they came back and it took another pregnancy to realize that it wasn't going back to Manticore I needed, it was to end it for myself."

Cole closed his eyes for a moment; not wanting to hear what he knew was coming.  He should just forget about everything and move on with his life.  That was the past, and he should just run back and be a good little soldier and do the right thing.  He was tired of being the good little soldier.  If Alicia didn't understand than nobody could.  He had thought she had to though.  When she had come back from Seattle after dealing with the Reds, he thought she finally understood how he felt.  They had come here and she told him everything about Zack and what had happened, and actually admitted that she had fallen in love with him.  Cole had thought maybe their situation was crueler in a way than his.  At least he knew Dana was gone.  To be in the world with her, but never able to touch or see or talk to her?  That was worse than death.

Alicia had never been the huggy sort of person.  She did not like to be touched.  Cole knew how much the events had changed her when they had been in the tree and she started to cry.  That was a rare enough phenomenon.  Without thinking, Cole had gone to her and held her, and she let him.  They had spent a long time like that, holding each other and talking about Zack and finally Dana and how it had all come around.  He wasn't sure if he felt better for it, but it was good to know there was someone who understood what he was going through.  And now, years later, it she told him to forget it, then she was the one who had forgotten.

"Cole," Alicia said softly, making him open his eyes.  "I needed to find my own balance in this world.  So do you.  It's not a matter of forgetting.  It's finding a place you can live and be happy."

"If it was Zack you wouldn't be saying that," Cole said, not able to keep the bitterness from edging into his voice.  "You'd never let go of him.  If he died tonight…"

"If he died," she interrupted gently, "then I would have twenty years of memories, not to mention the four living memories of everything we had together.  That's the difference.  We have had a life together, a real one that didn't include bonding under barbed wire."

Cole had to smile at that old joke.  It was something that Alicia had teased him and Dana about long ago, and he would have thought she would have forgotten it by now.  Alicia took his hand, and her eyes probed his for a long moment.  "Ask yourself one question," she ordered firmly.  "Do you love her, or do you remember loving her?"

Cole's mouth opened, and then snapped shut again.  That was something he had never posed to himself.  His immediate response was that of course he still did.  But they did have perfect memories, didn't they?  He had never once questioned if it was memory or not.  There was no way he would ever deny that he did love her.  But…he needed time to think.

Alicia saw all of the conflicting emotions on his face.  He was so tired.  That was obvious.  He needed to sort a lot out on his own.  Xander had called her and told her that Cole had taken off and gave her a rundown on what had happened.  He wasn't thrilled when she laughed at him when he told her about Cole breaking his nose, but he did tell her what he suspected, especially considering Cole's behavior over the last couple of weeks.  Xander said Cole seemed totally at odds with himself.  Cole was always strong and confident, and seeing him lost was unnerving.  

She squeezed his hand lightly.  Well, lightly for them at any rate.  "Whatever time you need to decide what you need, take it.  But you do need to figure out what you really want.  I know Xander thinks you got fouled up on Janice, but she doesn't really matter."  She smiled, remembering something he had said to her so many years before.  "Remember everything that you and Dana were.  Then let it all fall into place."  She paused for a moment.  "And whatever happens, you should tell Janice if you can or can't.  She deserves that much.  And that's all I can really say.  The rest is up to you."  She gave him one more smile, and then let go of him, walking away towards the trees.

Cole knew he didn't have to say anything.  It was easy to stay in the memories and get lost there.  He wanted to hide in the past; he wanted to come into the future.  A few months before and he had been so confident in himself and how he viewed life.  Now everything was upside down, and there wasn't anything to blame but himself.  What had he really done?  

"Leecee!" Cole called out suddenly.  He hadn't realized he was going to say it until his mouth opened.  She stopped and turned around, one eyebrow arched.  Cole wavered for a moment, and then said something he had wanted to say, but never could before.  "I never said thank you for pulling rank on me," he said quickly.  "Thank you."

Alicia didn't say anything, just walked back to him quickly with purposeful strides, and hugged him tightly.  He hugged her back just as tightly.  There wasn't a need to ask what he was talking about.  There had only been one time ever that she had ever told him to stand down.  It was at Dana's funeral when she had scattered the ashes.  Cole was going to, but she had taken the urn.  He had tried to protest, but she told him to back off.  She was the commander; she was going to do it.

"You saved my life," Cole said softly, admitting it for the first time.  Somehow, someway, she had known he couldn't let her ashes fly.  The second he opened that jar; she had known he would go into the water with them.  She had forced him back and done it herself, no matter how much she didn't want to.  She had the first nightmare about Dana the night before and wanted nothing to do with touching the burned remains.  But she had for Cole.

"If you want to thank me," Alicia whispered, "then be happy.  I'd hate to think I saved your rank ass just to make you miserable."

Cole couldn't help a little snort of laughter.  "I thought you would have done that over what happened in Tokyo."  Alicia laughed.  Him helping her act as a Geisha Girl, and then taking pictures to show everyone was almost grounds for death.

"Do you want to come home with me for a while?" she asked.

Cole shook his head.  "No.  Not right now.  I have some thinking to do…and I need to go home soon."  He put his arm around her shoulders and they left the clearing together, the old tree quietly watching and absorbing as it had for centuries before and centuries to come.  


	10. Bringing It to the Office

It was quiet at CIA headquarters late Saturdays mornings.  Some people would come in early in the morning to get a little work done, but they were usually in by six and out by ten, racing off to be with their families or significant others or whoever.  It was now ten thirty in the morning and Janice was relishing the sudden calm.  There were a few support personnel there; the place was never empty of people, but for the most part, it was very quiet and you could get some work done.

Janice wanted to get some work done at the very least.  She was supposed to be pulling together several analyses of a situation developing in Africa, and coming up with a proper plan if going in and making adjustments were required.  It was due on Monday, and she had yet to get more than four sentences together that made sense.  "Kill 'em all and let God sort them out" was not considered proper CIA protocol even if it was a method they used occasionally.  It was still all she could think of.  She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes trying to come up with the least violent method for doing what needed to be done.

Castrating the jerks causing the problems would leave them alive.  Unfortunately most of her superiors were men, and there was just no way they could allow that to happen to another of their species.  Maybe…maybe…Janice sighed, her eyes flicking open.  She knew where her tendencies towards killing and/or maiming men were coming from.  Cole.  As much as she didn't want to admit it, the whole situation was really bothering her.  She was working fifteen to eighteen hours a day to keep from going home and having time to think about it.

She still wasn't sure what happened.  It had been two weeks since that night.  She hadn't heard a damn thing.  She thought about maybe calling, or even asking Xander, but then decided that since he was the one to walk out, she wasn't going to run after him, begging and wailing to find out what happened.  She had far more pride than that.  Women that did that were looked on as weak doormats.  It didn't matter that she had caught herself a few times almost about to hit the last digit of his phone number so she could talk to him and ask what the deal was.  She hadn't dialed it.

And it wasn't like she didn't know what the deal was.  She had made a simple error in judgment.  She thought they were heading into a relationship and he wanted more of a one-nighter than something long term.  He must have realized that, and then left rather than tell her she had made a mistake.  Maybe that was his way of being nice about it.  Maybe he was a total jerk and needed to be castrated along with the assholes in Africa.

Janice had thought about talking to Xander to see what was going on.  But she couldn't do it at work, and she didn't want to call him at home.  If Cole answered, then that would just be more than she could handle.  Besides, she had a feeling Xander wouldn't want to talk about Cole anyways.  Janice had heard some people laughing about Brickman the day after New Year's Day, and when she asked, they said she would have see for herself.  She had.  He had blacked eyes and a taped up nose.  Others assumed it was a barroom brawl or something, but Janice knew a regular person couldn't get to him like that.  It would have taken another X-6 to do that, and Janice was willing to bet she knew who had.  Why would Cole be so upset to get into a fight with his brother though?  According to the male code of behavior, they should have opened a couple of beers while Cole bragged about bagging her.  Maybe Xander didn't appreciate such talk about a fellow agent and that's why they fought.  That made the more sense then Xander upsetting Cole.

"Agent Miller," a familiar voice that still put shivers of disgust up her spine called from the doorway.  Janice shoved thoughts of Cole out of her mind and steeled herself to talk to Special Agent Carlton Danvers.

Janice looked up and then stood, feeling his eyes drip over her body.  He was the creep she had refused the honor of sleeping with.  On the weekends, suits were not required and Janice was glad that he wasn't getting to see much of her figure with her heavy sweater loose around her body and her slacks that certainly didn't cling to her body.  She caught the note of disappointment in his eyes before going back to his usual superior smirk.  He was probably trying to envision her in some studded leather teddy beneath her rather frumpy attire.

"Agent Danvers," she greeted coolly.  "What can I do for you?"  She mentally cringed, knowing he was thinking about things she could be doing to him.  His thoughts seemed to broadcast out with a light coat of telepathic slime.  But this time he seemed as though there was some secret joke that only he knew about and it was on her.

"Well, there seems to be a bit of a mystery that I believe you could clear up," he said, gliding into the office, looking about with a smirk.  Her office was actually a medium sized room that housed her entire team.  It didn't have a window.  He didn't quite have a corner office yet, but he had a window and a decent parking spot.

"Well, you got me," she said a little sarcastically, throwing her hands up.  "I was the one on the grassy knoll.  I also cleaned up Roswell.  It was a pretty busy century, luckily this one has been quiet."

"When I want you to be sarcastic, I will tell you," he said.  She blinked, not apologizing in the slightest.  There wasn't much he could do to her really.  Granted, the tape of him coming onto her couldn't be used in formal proceedings since he didn't know the call was being recorded, but it would ruin his career in a less than spectacular way.  Since he couldn't do anything really damaging, he could still give her lousy assignments as punishments, like the Whitestone party.

"I just had a rather interesting phone call from General Wellington, US Air Force," Danvers announced as if she didn't know who he was.  "It would seem that you were doing more at the party than you were supposed to be."  He noticed the tightening of her lips.  "Exactly why was the Air Force involved, and why did you feel it was not required to tell me?" he snapped.

"The Air Force wasn't involved," Janice replied sharply.

He smirked.  It reminded her that she was armed.  If you shot your boss, then who would be there to punish you?  That was a great philosophical question up there with a tree falling in the woods.

"Really?" Danvers drawled out.  "Then please enlighten me as to what you were doing there with a certain Major Cole Lydecker."  She was damn good at keeping control of her expression, but at the mention of his name, Danvers could see a flicker in her guard.  She wasn't expecting him to know that she was bringing in outside help.  But for what?  He had overheard Brickman mention her name.  Was there a special assignment she had been given directly by Brickman?  Why had he been taken out of the loop then?  Was she up for a promotion?

"It's never been forbidden for me to be there with an escort," she replied evenly.

Danvers changed tactics.  He wanted to know what was going on.  He'd make the accusation so far off base that she would admit to the real reason just to keep him from thinking the worst.  Women.  They were so easy to predict.  He knew she hadn't killed Reispian.  She didn't have what it took to be so cold-blooded and calculating.

"And why exactly did you feel it was acceptable to bring your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend," she replied heatedly.  So this is what it was all about.  Danvers wasn't allowed in her bed, so he was going to try and find out who was.  Not going to happen.

There was something slightly off, but Danvers insisted.  He was on the right track.  He knew it.  "Of course he isn't," Danvers said patronizingly.  "He's not your boyfriend, he's not mentioned on reports, therefore he is what…a one night stand you had?  Ringing in the New Year's right I see."

He wasn't expecting Janice too look away from him with a wry smile.  Anyone who really knew her would know that expression.  They would also know they had until she looked back to run.  And they would.  Quickly.  Screaming for their lives.

"What's wrong Danvers?" she asked in the same patronizing tone he was using.  "Not getting any again and have to find out about all of our personal lives?  You know, if you would just admit to being gay, you wouldn't have to hit on every woman here to show you are such a stud.  DiAngelo really wanted to get of piece of you before he died, and I wouldn't have minded having you in our apartment.  I was used to seeing men with him."  She put her hand on his arm as if offering him a little friendly advice.  "You know what they say in your special circles.  Be true to yourself.  Also, fuck you asshole."  She dropped his arm and brushed past him to walk out of the office.

His jaw flopped open at her sudden attack.  He wasn't a dumb man by any means, just supremely egotistical.  It only took him a second, but he realized that Wellington was the one completely off base.  There wasn't anything work-related going on.  They had been there…together.

"Miller!" he shouted, running to the door and grabbing her as she tried to get into the hallway.  He spun her around.  "Do you have any idea of what you are doing?" he asked incredulously.  "Of course not.  You wouldn't," he answered for her, ignoring the fire in her eyes.  "I am ordering you to stay away from him, do you hear me?" he half-shouted.

Janice jerked away from him.  So Wellington told Danvers about Cole.  Who cared?  Wasn't her problem.  But she was not going to let him think that he could run her life.  "I will do as I please and if you got a problem with that, you can shove it up your ass along with everything else that's already up there," she yelled back at him.  "You want to be pissed that I'll have a little fling with him and not you, that's your problem, not mine!"

She turned to leave again, and he grabbed her again.  She was not going to talk to him like that!  He was her superior, and when he was done, she'd be lucky to get a job as an office girl for any federal agency again.  He was not expecting the quick burst of speed from her.  His fingers skated off of her as spun around, her leg lashing out in a vicious crescent kick that sent him sprawling to the floor below.

He looked up in shock as blood poured from his nose.  Janice reached behind her to pull her gun.  She wasn't going to kill him, but a shot in the knee would explain her point of view so much better than words ever could.  There was a gentle tap on her shoulder.  She froze and then looked over her shoulder.  Xander was standing there.  He had just rounded the bend that started the hallway they were in.  He seemed…well, rather amused.

"You're fired Miller," Danvers gasped from the floor.  "Get the hell out of here and I might not file charges."

"I don't think that's going to happen," Xander said casually.  He had a packet of honey-roasted peanuts that he had just gotten out of the vending machine.  He popped one into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully.

"She attacked me!" Danvers said in shock.  "You witnessed it!"

"No, actually I witnessed you attacking her first, and she defended herself," Xander replied in that same casually amused tone.  He glanced at Janice and realized she still had her hand way too near her gun.  "Agent Miller, if you'll excuse us for a moment."

Janice paused, but turned and left anyways.  Xander let out a mental sigh of relief.  Now for the fun.  He ate another peanut.  "You know," he said thoughtfully, "I've been trying to come up with a way to get rid of you for about two years now.  I wasted all that time when all I had to do was let you hang yourself."  He grinned and shook his head.  "Now, you have ten minutes to have your desk cleaned out and a resignation letter on my desk by Monday morning or this is going to the Review Board."

Danvers knew what that meant.  The minute this became public, any hope of any other career was over.  He had Brickman willing to state he saw Danvers attack a female agent.  She would tell how he'd hit on her before.  An image of his face on a newspaper came to mind.  From Brickman's smirk, he could see it too.  Brickman didn't wait for an answer.  He turned and walked away, whistling a happy little tune.

********

Janice heard the whistling behind her and slowed down.  If Xander wanted to catch up to her, there wasn't any chance of her getting away.  She took a deep breath as he came up behind her.  "Listen," she said quickly, "I know I shouldn't have nailed him, but he really caught me at a bad time, and there is no way I am going to apologize.  We can call it draw, but there is no way in hell I am going to tell him that I'm sorry.  The only thing I'm sorry about is that I didn't do it about two years ago."

There was an empty conference room about two doors down and Xander quickly propelled her into it.  He shut the door before speaking.  "Actually, I think I am going to be seeing his resignation letter very, very soon," he said with a charming smile.  She smiled at that, her eyes lighting with a rather malicious pleasure, and he thought it was a good time to risk asking, "What the hell did he say to finally really piss you off?"

The smile evaporated.  "It's not something I care to discuss with you," she replied coldly.  Xander didn't know how Danvers would know about Cole and Janice, but that seemed to be the best guess.  Xander paused for a moment, trying to decide the best way to handle this without getting another broken nose.  There was only one way he knew to handle a totally pissed off female.

"Peanut?" he offered.  She took one and sat down in a conference chair, chewing furiously.  Food had always been an instinctive offering of peace.

"Listen," he said, trying to find the right words.  "I know my brother is a total dipshit.  That's just a given.  But all things considering, he's having a hard time…"

"Xander," Janice interrupted, "The last thing I want is to hear about Cole's problems, okay?"

"I'm not about to make excuses for him," Xander replied.  "He's going to have to deal with what he did, okay?  But, there's a lot of things from back then that's tripping him up right now."

Janice shot him a withering look.  "Do not even bring up that dysfunctional childhood crap on me.  If there was someone who was going to have relationship problems because of their early years, it would be me, okay?"

He smirked.  "I don't think yours can nearly be like ours," he said rather superiorly.

Janice blinked.  "Ever met my mother?" she asked flatly.  She waved her hand dismissively.  "I can't believe you're sticking up for him in any case.  I saw you after…after…anyways it's not like there's many people in the world that can break your nose and you're sticking up…"

"I am not sticking up for him," Xander interrupted.

"You're making excuses, same thing," she pressed.

"If I was sticking up for him I'd be telling you how you pushed too much," Xander snapped.

"I pushed?" Janice almost yelled, jumping to her feet.  "I?  Pushed him?  I didn't hear him say anything about not wanting to."

"Guys aren't supposed to say they don't want to.  It's a rule somewhere.  You're the one that jumped into bed with him."

Her eyes narrowed.  "So I'm just a slut now?  Is that it?"  She was moving closer, and Xander felt himself backing up involuntarily.  He couldn't do anything damaging to her, and he knew from painful experience she was not to be trifled with.  Why was she so mad?  He hadn't said any of that stuff to her, and certainly didn't call her a slut.  Shit.  He was arguing with a woman.  Logic and reason had no place here.

"Let me tell you something, Mister Brickman," she hissed, "Since you are *so* concerned about what happened.  Let me guess, a few members of your screwed up family have got money on this right?  I hope the odds were good for whoever bet on him doing everything possible to act like there was something starting for real, and then as soon as the really, really great sex is over, he was out the damn door.  And since I know Cray's got a pool going somewhere, after that, you feel more like a used tissue than anything else."

Xander didn't realize until he felt the wall against his back how much he had retreated.  Shawna would have pulled a knife at this point, and a little blood later, all would be fine.  Xander had no idea how to handle a very pissed female norm.  He had never had to really deal with one before.  He'd had disagreements with some that he worked with before, but that was a professional consideration of each other's opinions.  They had been upset, and there was a little cussing, but none of them had ever looked at him like this before.  They were far more scary than he had thought they could be.

"He's got some issues, that's fine," Janice continued.  "So do the rest of us.  Call Rikki Lake if you can't deal with it.  You guys were made in a lab instead of the old-fashioned way, but that has nothing to do with the fact that he fucked then dumped me with without so much as a goddamn note.  Sorry if that doest work for me."

It didn't matter that she was echoing Xander's words to Cole about the situation.  Cole was his brother.  He would do as he pleased to his family.  She was not his family, and he was not going to let an outsider say such things about his brother.

"Issues?" he fired back.  "You don't know a damn thing about issues.  When you are born for the express purpose of killing and spend your entire lives being trained to do just that, to have the one thing that's decent and clean in your life end up getting barbequed, that's going to cause some minor issues."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she asked a little uncertainly, but still quite angry.  A barbeque?  Didn't make any sense.  She suddenly remembered the look on his face when she showed him that picture of the funeral.  A thought began to form, but she shoved it away before it could blossom.  That didn't matter.

"You want to know about Cole's past, then you need to ask him," Xander said in a much calmer tone.  "That's for him to explain, not me.  But if he does try, then at least listen to him.  There are a lot of things you haven't had time to learn about him."

Janice took a step back.  "He can explain all he wants," she said coldly.  "But you better hope he can talk faster than I can reload."  With that, she spun on her heel and stormed out of the conference room.

Xander watched her go as a small, rather bemused smile formed on his lips.  Without even really trying, she had backed him down, and he still wasn't sure how she had done it.  If it weren't for other things, he might even try a go at her.  Women like that didn't come along often, and Cole better get his thumb out of his ass quickly and realize that before he really lost out.  He was going to have to do some serious groveling though.  Xander didn't have a lot of experience with norm women, but he knew that much.  The thought of Cole actually apologizing, no, begging for forgiveness was enough to put a smile on Xander's face.

"Sure, Cole," Xander said aloud softly, touching his nose lightly.  "I think if you talk to her, she would be happy to listen.  She really wants you back.  As a matter of fact, I think she's just looking for a reason to forgive you and get back with you."  He had known Cole was going to pay, but he had thought it would be more traditional like Cole waking up from a drugged sleep in the middle of a swamp.  Naked.

Xander didn't have any illusions about what was going on in Cole's head.  He knew enough about the way Cole operated in regards to the opposite sex.  Janice had misunderstood him earlier when he said guys don't say no.  Cole had known he shouldn't have gotten something started with her.  Intellectually, he did at least.  He knew that she was getting to him.  Any time there had been a woman that he had started to like, he had pushed her away quickly without any intimacy.  This time he hadn't been able to stop himself from being with her.  Janice might not understand how profound that was, but Xander did.

Xander blew out a breath.  When he called Alicia, she had seemed as if she would know exactly where he was and how to get a hold of him.  Xander hoped she did.  Maybe she could talk some sense into him.  Whatever decision Cole was coming to, he had better make it fast.  All kidding aside, something great was slipping away, and if Cole wasn't fast, he was going to lose it forever.


	11. Twilight Choices

"I can't believe Alicia did this," Cole murmured into Dana's dark red hair.  "She's been such a total bitch lately."  Dana pulled back a little to look into his face.  The moonlight was plenty for her to see by.

"She's had a hard time dealing with what happened in DC," Dana replied, caressing Cole's face lightly.  "When you or I feel less than human, we have each other.  She takes the brunt of it for all of us, and she only has herself."  Dana looked sorrowful for a moment.  "She cried about it, you know."  Cole's eyebrows shot up.

"You mean tears cried?" he asked incredulously.  Alicia and crying just did not go together.

Dana nodded.  "Just a little, but they were real.  I wish she had someone to be able to share it all with," she said sadly.  The three of them were close, but Alicia had always maintained a finger-length of distance.  Dana knew her mental abilities heightened her empathy, and she hoped that Alicia could find a balance in life.  Not everything was a battle.  Loving Cole had shown her that.

Cole pulled Dana against him again.  They were lucky about tonight.  Alicia had come raging through the barracks earlier, and flipped over his and Dana's bunks, yelling at them that if they couldn't make a bed properly, they could sleep in the woods.  Her language had made a few of the norm soldiers blush.  She had screamed at Cole about going soft living with Lydecker, but while they were in the barracks, he was damn well going to act like a soldier.

It was February, and they were allowed five minutes to get some cold-weather gear before being thrown out for the night.  Alicia had been on a short temper ever since DC, and this seemed to go along with her usual tirades against infractions.  Except, she knew that Cole and Dana hadn't had any time alone together in a while.  They lit a fire, and after they zipped their sleeping bags together, it was quite comfortable.

They lay together, warmed from the fire and their shared passion.  The cold didn't bother them too much anyways.  Cole lay on his back, one arm under his head, the other wrapped around Dana's nude body as she lay on his chest.  He couldn't remember the last time he felt this calm and content with life, the universe and all things.  Dana balanced him, kept him from going too close to the edge.  He had been serious when he told Alicia he would take Dana away if the new director had decided to terminate her for study or spare parts as that bitch had been overheard suggesting.  Dana was worth everything to him.  There was no cost too high when the prize was priceless.

Dana twisted her neck a little so that she could look into the sky.  "We think we're so big and bad," she said softly.  "Up there, that's real big.  We're just little specks in comparison."  She thought for a moment.  "You think one of us will ever be allowed to go into space?"

"Maybe," Cole replied.  "If we ever get back a space program, they might want to see what we can do up there.  Maybe they'll loan us out to the Chinese before that and let us go up with them."  He smiled.  "That would be the ultimate flight."

They were quiet for a while as the sky started to brighten slightly.  "Twilight," Cole heard Dana whisper so softly he almost didn't catch it.

"You're about twelve hours off my love," he teased.  She arched an eyebrow at him superiorly.

"Shows how much you know," she teased back.  "There's two a day, not just one.  Right before the sun sets, and right before it rises again.  Birth and death, beginning and ending."  She smiled a little, staring into the sky again with a slightly dreamy expression on her face.  "It's my favorite time of day and night."

Cole smiled at her, amused.  For all she was capable of, all that she had done, there was still an innocence to her that would never be extinguished.  It was one of the things he loved about her.  She never lost hope, no matter what the situation was, and she always absorbed every bit of happiness she could out of each day.  He couldn't be around her more than a few minutes without smiling and feeling better.  Even Dad found himself infected by her enthusiasm for life.  She accepted the nasty parts of missions as something that had to be done, and then went on with her perpetual optimism.

"So how do you pick which one you like the most?" he asked.

"It depends on what's starting," she replied.  "Or what's ending."

Cole grinned.  Sometimes she forgot he wasn't always privy to what was in her head.  "Starting and ending huh?  You just like everything don't you."

Dana rolled her eyes.  He didn't get it.  Cole sometimes had a hard time seeing the abstract.  It made for him to be a sharper soldier, and he could see plans and tactics more clearly, but it really sucked when she was trying to discuss concept and cosmic theory with him.  She smiled as she thought of a more concrete way to explain what she meant.

In a fluid motion, she rolled over on top of him, her arms sliding under his neck.  Their lips met, tenderly at first, and then with increasing passion.  Their bodies pressed tighter as limbs intertwined and still keeping with that incredible kiss.  She was rarely this aggressive with him, and Cole enjoyed her little burst of desire.  He wasn't about to complain.

"See," she whispered as they parted.  "Is that the end of something wonderful, or the start of something equally lovely?"

Cole's hands slid down her body, giving her rear a little squeeze, making her giggle.  "I see your point," he muttered, nipping at her lips with his own.  "I think I'll choose the dawn."  They kissed again, touches becoming more intimate as they both knew exactly how to please the other the most.

"I love you Dana," Cole whispered between kisses.  "I'll always love you.  No matter what happens.  Forever."

She pulled back from his slightly, and for a bare second the oddest look flashed across her eyes.  She almost looked sad that he would say that.  "Swear to me you'll never forget me," she whispered.  "That's what I need more than anything."

He took her hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart.  "You're there forever, love."  A few tears zigzagged down her cheeks.  Cole wasn't sure what was distressing her, but he wanted it to stop.  He kissed the tears away, catching her lips with his own, passion, desire and so much love building to an intensity that it had never before reached.

Cole found himself completely spent, barely able to move, and totally overwhelmed by their lovemaking.  He held her to him, unable to let her go even if he wanted to.  "Remember me, Cole," she whispered as sleep drew him into its depths.  "Never forget."

Thirty-six hours later her body was found amid the helicopter wreckage.

*****

Cole jerked, and looked up with a start, oblivious to the tears on his face.  He was over twenty years and almost two thousand miles from that snowy night, but every detail was still etched into his mind.  He looked over the ocean's waves, getting stronger and higher as the tide was starting to come in.  It was still dark, but there was a slight color change on the horizon as the sun was testing the sky, trying to decide if it was time to bring forth life to all those that resided on a rather small and insignificant chunk of rock hundreds of thousands of miles away from it.

It was the last night they ever spent together.  A little after dawn, they had trudged back into the barracks, apologetic and promising to be more vigilant about taking care of barracks obligations in the future.  Alicia had made a little snort of acknowledgement, and all was forgiven.  He didn't have to thank her privately.  As a matter of fact, she wasn't in the mood for accepting anything.  She mentioned her mouth was hurting, and for her to complain about pain, it was pain that would have brought a norm to his knees.  She admitted that it had been hurting for a while, and Lydecker had ordered her over to the dentist.

Cole had barely seen Dana that day.  They both had training exercises and mission planning to do, just another typical Manticore day.  The assignments he was sent on were typically of a higher caliber than the ones she was used for.  He was part of the Alpha team, and she was considered Charlie team.  Everyone had their place to be during the day and stuck with it.  Today was a little different though.  Dana had grabbed him when he was alone, and gave him one hell of a kiss.  They both knew the security layout enough to know they weren't on camera, but this was not expected from her.

He had asked her if she was all right.  She told him she was, but that she had just needed that.  Alicia was going to have to have teeth removed the next day, and told Dana she was going to have to do the helicopter training exercises in her place.  Cole had laughed a little then, and risked giving her a hug.  Why she was scared of them, he didn't know.  She told him she loved him.  He said it back.  It was the last time he ever saw or spoke to her again.

Nothing forewarned him.  That was the kicker.  He didn't have the slightest premonition of what was going to happen later.  He'd gone back home that night and done the usual, and early the next morning Alicia had gone in to have her wisdom teeth removed.  Cole was at the block working on some things late that afternoon, and then Dad had contacted him and told him to get to his office at the block ASAP.  At first Cole thought something had happened to Alicia, but when he got to the office, she was there.  She looked barely alive, but she was there along with a couple of the others.

The rest of the sixers on base came in quickly.  Lon had just gotten home a few hours before, and came in looking marginally less worn than Alicia.  Cray and Tynell were the last to show up and then Dad told them all what had happened.  Just an accident.  No more, no less.  For a minute Cole thought he was going to throw up or pass out.  Maybe even both.  In a few words, his whole world crashed around him, shattering like so much glass being jammed into his heart.  Their forever was already over.

They had all looked to Alicia then, and she was the one to take charge and thank Dad for the news and request that they be allowed to have a service of sorts.  She kept him from losing it in front of everyone else, and then met him at the tree.  He had screamed and ranted at the world then, cursing whatever had kept them there.  He yelled out his anger at being a soldier and what it had cost them.  It wasn't until much later that he realized how much his ranting had hurt Alicia and how much she blamed herself for what happened.  She didn't say anything then, but tried her best to comfort him and try to do what she could for the others, despite the Demerol that she was on.

In the end the body was cremated, and they were allowed to scatter the ashes.  Dad had first said that they were going to be scattered over the base, but Cole had jumped in there and blurted out "No" harshly before even Alicia could say anything.  He was a little embarrassed at speaking without thinking like that, and in front of the others countering their commander, but he couldn't do that to her.  He said that it had to be over water, and somewhere warm.  The other sixers had agreed, and Dad let them do it off the coast of Florida.  There was a large Navy base there, and it was actually unseasonably warm right then.

So now, so many years later, Cole sat out on a beach, staring out over the stretch of water where Dana's body had been committed to the deep.  It was colder today then it had been then, but much warmer than the snow covered land back at Manticore.  The humidity made the cold cling, but that wasn't anything compared to the biting winds.  It was easy enough to ignore at any rate as the far eastern sky went from black to the dark purple-blue that heralded the rising of the sun.  Twilight.

It had been years since he'd been able to deliberately watch the sun rise.  How was he supposed to do it without Dana by his side?  How was he supposed to sit here and watch it and not think of all the promises that he'd made to her?  How was he supposed to let her go?  She wanted him to remember her.  She said so.  The night before, that day, how she had acted…she wanted to be with him.  Had he known…

"She knew," he whispered.  His eyes widened as he put together the memories.  He had never really thought about it and tried to piece together things.  Maybe he didn't want to know for sure, but that was the only thing that made sense now.  Whenever he had said forever to her before, she would say it back.  This time she made him promise to remember her.  Somehow…somehow she knew.  She was going to die.  She knew it.

Cole had his gym bag with him, and reached into it, pulling out a sealed plastic bag.  The strands of hair had faded from dark red to an orange shade over the years, but he still saw them as the same color they had been.  He had gone back to the barracks and collected every strand from her pillow and hairbrush and kept them all this time.  He hated opening the bag for fear of losing even a single one.

He broke the seal and reached in, pulling out a few strands.  The once silky hair was brittle now, but that didn't bother him.  He smiled, remembered her the way she was.  Her smile.  That sometimes-annoying streak of optimism.  Her thoughts on their life and future.  The way she teased.  The way she laughed.  The way she loved.

Did he still love her?  Absolutely.  But he had misunderstood her.  It wasn't his heart she wanted forever, it was the immortality of never being forgotten.  She knew she was going to die soon.  She didn't want him to go on for the rest of his life wanting to be with her and her alone.  It was enough for her that he remembered her.  She had no idea that Manticore would fold eventually.  She didn't want him to lose the softness that their relationship had given him.  Cole knew Dana.  That was the one thing she didn't like about Manticore, that hard shell they encouraged the X-6 to build.  She wanted Cole to remember that they had loved, and most importantly, could love.

He fingered the strands of hair, finally asking himself questions he had never before wanted to answer.  Did he need to let go of her?  Was that really required?  Or could she simply be put into that secret part of the human heart that belongs to the owner, and the owner alone?  Cole let out a little laugh, finally understanding that Dana knew him even better than he knew her.  That was what he never wanted to question.  Did she say that for him or for her?  She knew him.  She knew how he would react to her death.  And what she wanted to tell him was that she didn't want him to lose the gift she had given him.  The knowledge of what happiness was, and that even at Manticore, it was obtainable.

Cole looked at the hair between his fingers, a real smile forming on his lips.  For once, it didn't hurt so much to think about her.  He wasn't going to forget her.  Not ever.  There was no getting over her like they thought he should, but it wasn't a matter of learning to live without her either.  She would always be a part of who he was and who he became.  That was her final gift to him.  It took him a while, but he finally could accept the gift.

He slipped the hairs back into the bag, and went to put it back into the gym bag, but paused as the first rays of the sun swung over the horizon, spearing the darkness with gold and turning clouds into purple and green and pink puffs in the sky.  His smile widened.  "I choose the dawn," he said softly, and then laughed.  "I choose the dawn," he repeated more firmly this time.

He looked down at the plastic in his hand, and then jerked off his sweatshirt and kicked off his sneakers.  If he thought for a second about what he was going to do, he might not do it, but this was the right thing to do.  It was time to finish what he was supposed to have done so long ago.  Still holding the bag, he sprinted towards the cold Atlantic.

The water numbed his skin almost immediately, but he didn't care.  This was so right.  He could feel it with every fiber of his body.  He had known before if he were to scatter her ashes, he would have done it from under the water.  Now, it was time to let go of the one last piece of her that remained and let it go to wherever the tides and current had taken the rest of her.  He swam out fast and furious, sliding through the water like a dolphin, until he was deep enough to let the currents do as they had done for millennia.  

He opened the bag, letting it fill with water, and the strands of hair began floating out and towards the north with the current.  "Goodbye my love," he said softly.  "You were right.  I won't forget.  Not ever.  But I choose the dawn."  His fingers opened and he let the bag go, watching it until it sank too deeply for him to follow.  With no regret, he turned back to the shore.


	12. Return

Janice paused when she heard the knock at her front door.  She looked at the carrots she was slicing and then over towards the living room.  It was tempting to pretend she wasn't in.  It could be her mother.  It could be her sister.  Maybe she would be lucky and it was a friendly neighborhood serial killer.  That thought cheered her up just a bit.  It was actually probably Cyra.  The kid knew that something had gone wrong in Janice's romantic life, but unlike her mother, knew not to demand answers.  She had shown up Saturday night with brownies and "Fried Green Tomatoes".  There was no cure for the "I-Hate-Men" blues like that combination.

Romantic life, Janice thought bitterly as she wiped her hands on a dishtowel and went to the door.  What romantic life?  A few dates with one guy.  Big deal.  One incredible night.  Who cares?  She needed to be concentrating on her career anyways.  Men were a distraction that could be substituted by a pint of Ben & Jerry's Double Fudge Brownie ice cream.  She opened the door, ready to invite in either Cyra or the hoped-for serial killer.  Wrong on both counts.  Cole.  Standing there.  In her hall.  Like nothing was wrong.  Just standing there with his hands in his jacket pockets.  Cole.

Cole knew the temperature outside was cold, but it couldn't compare with how frosty that hallway got the second Janice realized who was standing there.  For the briefest second he thought she might have seemed happy to see him, but that could have been his imagination.  What followed was dead silence, and he was pretty sure the temperature dropped by at least twenty degrees.  Was it possible that Xander had exaggerated about Janice this morning when he saw Cole?  No, that had never happened before when Xander was still a little mad at him.  

"Hey," he greeted her uncertainly.  He was hoping for some noise from her.  Some kind of response.  He deserved being yelled at.  Hell, her flipping him off would be a start.  She was just standing there, staring at him with absolutely no emotion on her face.  The elevator door chimed, and for a moment he glanced over at it, hoping it wasn't Xander coming to offer him a hand like he had threatened to do earlier.  A woman with a yapping poodle stepped out of the elevator.

The moment he was distracted, there was suddenly an explosion of pain along his eye and cheek as Janice's fist made contact.  He hadn't been expecting it at all, and the force of her punch knocked him off balance, and he stumbled backwards into the wall.  He stared at her for a moment, more shocked than hurt really.  He had a second to note the now smug expression of satisfaction on her face before she slammed the door.

The woman with the poodle was standing there, gathering the dog in her arms, but frozen to the spot.  Cole ignored the embarrassment of having an audience, and pounded on the door.  Damn it, he was trying to be nice and apologize.  He knew she wanted him to do that and then all was supposed to be fine.  Him getting a black eye was not part of the deal.

"Janice!  Open the goddamn door!" he shouted.

The door flew back open, and this time there was no mistaking the absolute fury in her eyes.  "What Cole?" she shouted back at him.  "Want another quickie?  Sorry, Madame Miller's is closed for business."

"That's not…" what he shot back, but she cut him off.

"Bullshit!" she shouted back at him.  "You know, the next time you decide to use a woman like a whore, make sure you leave a twenty by the bedside so she'll really know what you think!"  She slammed the door again.

Cole slammed his fist against the door, but he already knew she wasn't opening it again.  Why must she make everything difficult?  "Fine!" he shouted to the closed door, and then spun on his heel to walk away.  He managed three steps towards the elevator, not really noticing the woman with the poodle hugging it closer, her eyes wide.  He stopped.  "Not fine at all," he growled to himself.  She was going to listen to him whether she liked it or not.

You are not going to cry, Janice ordered herself once again when she heard Cole's shout and footsteps.  Bastard!  She was going to New Orleans that weekend, and getting a voodoo doll and all the pins were going to be centered on one certain area.  Her hand hurt.  She crossed the living room quickly to get some ice for it.  She really decked him hard.  God, Emma was out there.  Her next-door neighbor just went from thinking she was all nice and quiet to running a bordello in here.  Emma's police officer husband was just going to love that.

The loud crack at her front door caught her attention.  Janice spun around; her eyes wide, as the door flew open, almost ripping itself off of its hinges.  It hit the back of the wall with a loud slam as Cole dropped his leg from the kick that he had just used as a doorknob and then he strode right in.  Janice couldn't move as he walked up to her, his eyes blazing into hers.

 "You're going to listen to me and give me the chance to apologize," he said in a low growl.

"What could you possible apologize for?" she snapped sarcastically.  "You made your opinions about us quite clear.  No need to say you're sorry about it."  She turned away from him quickly, not wanting him to see the tears trying to form in her eyes.  He wasn't worth crying over.

Cole grabbed her arm, spinning her back to face him, his hand catching the back of her neck and holding her in place.  "I'm sorry that I fucked up and hurt you," he said slowly through gritted teeth.  "I had to leave to get my head together, but I am sorry I hurt you."

The sheer closeness was too much for Janice to handle.  Their faces were mere inches apart.  For a second she thought he was going to kiss her, and was immediately furious by the…by the dammed longing for him to.  She wanted to believe him.  Part of her did, and that part wouldn't let her speak, and yell the things that would make him leave.  The rest of her decided that non-verbal action would be appropriate.  She stomped on his toe as hard as she could, making him release her.

"Get out!" she yelled, her voice cracking as she held back the tears.  She wanted to say more, but she was going to start sobbing if she did.  God, he had to be standing there looking sincere.  Angry, but sincere.  No!  She was not even going to think that.  He had walked out on her, not the other way around.  He ruined it permanently, and if he thought a little "I'm sorry" was going to fix everything, he was dead wrong.  She took a deep breath, and steeled herself.  

"I want you out of here now!" she said firmly.

Cole and sensitivity didn't go well together.  He'd been through enough of an emotional roller coaster lately, and didn't need this from her.  He was the one humbling himself; the least she could do was listen to him for two minutes without screaming.  He grabbed her arm again, holding it tightly.  She was not going to walk away from him.

"You," he declared, "need to get over this.  I said I was sorry.  What else do you want?"

"To get off of me!" she yelled, jerking back to no avail.  There was no way she was going to get away from him until he let her go.

"I think you need to let her go right now, sir," a voice came from behind them.  Cole and Janice paused and looked over Cole's shoulder.  Janice's next-door neighbor, in police uniform, was standing there.  The officer looked at Janice.  "Are you alright Janice?" he asked.

She jerked back again, this time Cole letting her pull away from him.  She gave him a furious glare before answering.  "I'm fine Harold," she replied.  "Just trying to take out some trash."  Cole rolled his eyes at that rather childish insult.

Harold came into the apartment, amazed at the damaged door.  Emma hadn't exaggerated at all about this guy kicking in the door.  "Sir," he said, falling into his polite policeman's attitude, the one they use right before the nightstick comes out, "I think you need to step away from her and let's cool down."

Cole took a single step back, trying to keep his cool.  He could always knock the cop out and drag her out of there kicking and screaming and take her somewhere that she couldn't get away and had to talk to him.  That would be the less mature of the options.  He was trying to deal with this in a less-than-spectacular way, he really was.  If she didn't ease up in the next two minutes, he was going back to plan A.

The officer came in more, assessing the situation, the broken door weighing heavily on his mind.  He had liked these apartments for their reinforced doors.  It made it much harder for a criminal to break in.  From what Emma had said, this guy had hit the door with a single kick and took it down.  You had to be careful with a guy like that.  He might seem to be backing down, but you couldn't be too careful.

"Sir," Janice heard Harold say to Cole.  "I'm going to put you in handcuffs right now.  You're not under arrest, but that's standard practice.  She smirked at Cole as Harold moved up behind him and grabbed his wrist.  Cole didn't try to resist, instead meeting her eyes and not saying anything.

"I know what I want," she said with false sweetness.  "I think I'm just going to shoot you and be done with it."  She spun around quickly, and headed to her bedroom.

Harold heard her words and froze at the unexpected turn of events.  He thought she was a secretary or something like that somewhere in government bureaucracy.  Cole thought for a second and then looked over his shoulder.  "You do realize she's not exaggerating," he said, and then took matters into his own hands.

It was rare that he allowed himself the luxury of moving at full speed in front of a norm.  It was understood that you would only reveal yourself in a matter of extreme situation.  This counted.  He whipped around, moving almost too fast to be seen by the human eye.  Harold didn't have a chance.  One second he was about to snap the handcuff around Cole's wrist, and the next he was the one with the handcuffs on.  There wasn't even the time to shout as his second pair was suddenly snapped around the first one, and he was thrown into the front door.

Cole didn't mean to hurt the cop, but he had to chain him where he wouldn't be a problem, and the door seemed as good of a place as any.  It wasn't his fault that the cop's head smacked the door, and he slumped to the ground.  He was still breathing, and he had gotten the door shut.  Cole used the empty cuff around the doorknob, and then went after Janice.

Janice wasn't sure if she really meant to shoot Cole or not, but she did go straight to her closet and pulled out her nine millimeter.  That should do more than just sting him.  She threw open her door to the hall, and he was already there.  She gasped, jerking back.  Damn his little ability to sneak up on people!  Her eyes darted down the hall then back to Cole.  "Tear up the door and kill my neighbor, thanks a hell of a lot Cole.  Getting me kicked out of my place is a great way to apologize."

"The cop's fine," Cole replied, wondering if this was really worth all the trouble.  She gave him a sarcastic smile.

"Thank you oh so much then," she snapped, and then leveled the gun on him.  "I told you to go, now get out."

Playtime was over.  He was just standing there, and then suddenly, Janice was in the hall, pinned up against the wall.  Cole slammed her wrist against the wall, not hard enough to break it, but enough to make her let go of the gun.  It clattered to the ground, and Janice almost regretted not having clicked off the safety.  It would have served the bastard right to be shot in the foot.  But for that moment Cole seemed to have the upper hand.

He held her against the wall, his body shoving hers back, one hand holding both her wrists above her head easily.  His eyes blazed into hers, but she was obviously not intimidated as she glared right back at him, but she couldn't help a tiny trickle of fear in the pit of her stomach.  There really wasn't much she could do to stop him from doing whatever he wanted.

"Don't even tell me to let you go," he growled, their noses almost touching.  "I'm not letting you go until you listen to me."  His free hand grabbed her chin and kept her from looking away.  She didn't try to fight him.  Her eyes met his, and then there was a sudden explosion of pain where her knee made contact with his groin.  It wasn't as hard as she could have, their positioning not giving her the right balance for a good hard hit, but it was enough to double him over.

Cole tried to make a grab at her, but only caught the strap of her tank top.  Janice jerked back, ripping the strap, and he couldn't make himself go for a better hold.  Instead he grabbed the wall for support.  He should have known from Xander that she had no mercy or pity or sense of fair play when it came to going for the most sensitive part of the male anatomy.  He grit his teeth against the pain.  If there was one good thing about his Manticore training, it was that they had learned to work through pain.  He wasn't walking exactly normal, but he could walk, and this time, he wasn't going to be nice about it.  He'd taken two hits from her; he wasn't going to take another.

Cole moved down the hall like silent death, his eyes cold, mouth set in a grim line.  The living room was empty.  Kitchen.  He moved to the doorway, ready to move fast and strike when he heard her.  Anger dissipated at the sound of the single sniff.  She was crying.  He paused, uncertain as to what to do now.  Anger and yelling he was used to in his family.  Knife fights were just a way to get out frustration.  Hell, Heather had popped someone off a cliff in a moment of extreme stress.  Crying was an altogether strange and unusual territory.

He went into the kitchen.  She kept her back to him, and spoke, her tone dull and lifeless as she quickly wiped tears from her face.  "Just go.  You're forgiven, it's forgotten, just go."  Now Cole really felt like a total rat bastard.  If someone were yelling, they would forgive you once they got it out.  Crying…crying might not mean that.

"Jan…" he said, not sure what to say to make it better.  He didn't want to tell her everything.  He didn't think he could explain it all to her.  Cole moved up behind her, wanting to take her in his arms and let her know that he really was sorry.

Janice felt him come close, and whirled around before he could touch her.  There was no way she was letting him touch her ever again.  He'd done enough to her.  "Don't you get it?" she snarled, her fury hot enough to burn.  "It's over Cole!  All the apologies in the world won't help.  I don't trust you, and I don't want you near me."  She glanced over at the counter where she had been chopping carrots that were still just a little too far away.  The knife on it was sharp as hell, and if anything would make Cole know she was serious, a few scratches might.  Janice wasn't the slap-fight sort of woman.  She went for blood.

Cole caught the glance and mentally sighed, reminding himself that good things typically didn't come easily.  That was all well and good when you didn't have a very pissed off CIA operative to deal with.  She wasn't getting the chance to get to that knife, and he needed to distract himself from that torn tank top.  She had been wearing it with a denim shirt over it like a jacket, but the shirt didn't cover the fact the tank top was severely angled now, and the top half of her breast was exposed.

He moved fast, grabbing her arms quickly, remembering to be careful about her knees.  There wasn't a wall close enough, so his leg jerked between hers, twisted, and then they were both on the floor.  Cole used his greater weight to keep her pinned down flat, his hands locking her wrists to the floor.  Well, this was useful.  Now what?

Janice was determined not to give him the satisfaction of flailing her legs about in a useless attempt to get away from him.  She was sick of this and just wanted him to leave.  There wasn't anything he could say to make an excuse for what he had done.  When you worked with almost exclusively men, you heard every excuse in the book.  There wasn't anything Cole could come up with that she hadn't heard quoted already from the Manual of Maleness.

"Get off of me!" she hissed, not able to help wiggling a bit.  "What Cole, did you come over here to fuck me again?  Is that it?  Go ahead and do it then, since that's all you've ever wanted from me."  She didn't really think he had any plans on that, even if he kept glancing down where her shirt was ripped, but she wanted to make him angry enough to leave.  

"I told you; you are going to goddamn listen to me!" he yelled back at her furiously.  "I'm trying…"

"Trying what?" she snarled, interrupting him.  "There's nothing you can say…"

"You scared the hell out of me!" he shouted.  Janice blinked, momentarily stunned into silence.  That wasn't what she was expecting to hear from the likes of him.  Cole took a breath, and continued, his voice lower now.  "I couldn't handle what you were doing to me.  I didn't know how to handle it, and that scared the hell out of me.  I didn't think you would be so different, but you were and I didn't have a chance."

Janice's heart was slamming hearing his words.  True, she had heard a version of that from her male friends, the old "it's not you, it's me" story, but there was honesty in his eyes and emotion in his voice.  No.  She wasn't going to believe this.  It was all just some kind of story for some sick reason.  Instinct told her there was more to this, and if he wasn't willing to come clean with her, she wasn't going to believe half the story.

"Let me go," she said softly.  Cole looked away from her and she felt him release her wrists.  He got off of her and walked over to the window, staring out into the streets below.

Janice got off of the floor hesitantly, not sure what the next move should be.  He still wasn't telling her everything, and that was the most irritating thing of all.  She had scared him?  How?  Why?  It wasn't like they had just met a few days before.  She had thought they were just starting a relationship.  An odd thought crossed her mind.  Had he known that?

"You walked out on me," she said flatly to his back, not daring to go near him.  Her voice picked up more outrage as she continued.  "I thought it was pretty clear that we were dating.  You sure as hell made it seem like you were interested in something with me other than a one-night stand, so don't give me any of that crap about things just happening out of nowhere.  You walked out.  You didn't even try to say, 'I'm sorry, this just isn't for me'.  You were just gone.  And now you think you can come back here and say 'I'm sorry' and give me half an explanation and everything is all better?  If that's what you want, then you did it, and you can get the hell out now."

She spun around, gripping the counter, hoping he would just go and not see the tears that had started streaming down her face.  She hadn't wanted it to end like this.  There had been something between them that was amazing, and she hadn't thought it was going to just be over so coldly.  There was utter silence in the kitchen, and for a moment, she thought he must have gone.  Noiselessly hands came around from behind her, covering her hands, and she could feel Cole's warm body pressed against hers lightly.

The last thing Cole had planned on doing was saying anything to her about his past or about what had really spooked him so much.  He wanted her to accept his apology and let them move on.  Together.  He almost laughed to think about how difficult she was being.  Had he really thought it would take anything less than complete honesty to really apologize to her?  When she had turned away from him, he knew.  If he was willing to lose her, then he could let pride walk him out of there.  Pride sucked.  There was a reason why she was different, and in that moment of decision, he finally started to see what it was.

Instead of leaving, he slipped up behind her, taking her hands, and holding her for a moment.  She didn't try to shove him off, and he felt damn lousy when he saw the tears on her face.  He had been selfish.  He wanted to kiss her and tell her over and over that he was sorry until she believed it, but that wasn't going to work, and he knew it.  There was only one thing she wanted, and he was going to have to do it.  Skydiving into the ocean at midnight was less scary then giving her the ability to hurt him back as badly as he had hurt her.

"You saw a picture once of a funeral, and I didn't say much about it," he said softly near Janice's ear.  She didn't move.  Cole could feel the emotion welling up, but made himself continue.  "Her name was Dana.  She…she was a hell of a lot more than a sister to me.  She was never a sister to me, even when we were little.  She was the person I was closest too, closer than Alicia even.  Eventually…"

Cole broke off for a moment, and Janice felt his forehead touch her shoulder.  She suddenly realized where this was going, and almost didn't want him to continue.  She had asked for it though.  The real pain in his voice was enough to let her know that this was the rest of the story, the part he hadn't wanted to tell her.  Pity rose up in her unbidden, as she saw now why he hadn't wanted to say anything.  But still, he continued. 

"Eventually, we became more," he said quickly.  "I loved her since we were kids, and eventually we were together, even if it was secretly.  When we were little she was the one I went to if I was upset, and she came to me if she needed someone.  I would have done anything for her.  There wasn't a risk too great to be with her once we realized what it was between us.  And then there was a helicopter accident, and she was gone."

Now Janice understood Xander's remark about the barbeque.  Okay, so maybe losing someone you loved in an accident like that could screw you up.  As much as she didn't want to, she understood how he could be afraid of another relationship after something that traumatic.

Janice was quiet for a long moment.  Cole's heart rate was accelerating as he waited for her to say something to him.  He wanted to demand an answer, some kind of response, but knew she was going to have to decide what she wanted.  He'd laid it all out, and left himself vulnerable.  Dad would be pissed that he'd dropped all the training, but Manticore methods weren't going to get her to understand.  She wanted the human route.

"I can't be the replacement," Janice finally said sadly.  "Cole, I wanted to be with you."  She sniffed, biting her bottom lip to keep from breaking out into sobs.  "But I can't fight a dead girl for her place in your heart.  I'm human; I'll lose.  I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, but I can't try and take her place."

She expected him to leave.  She couldn't make it any plainer that there wasn't going to be a future for them.  He was worth fighting for, but she couldn't fight someone that wasn't really there.  His hands let go of hers, but instead of leaving, gently turned her around.  Janice's breath drew in as she saw his face.  A slight smile was gracing his lips, a soft, almost amused look in his eyes.  Gently, he took her face in his hand, the other arm snaking around her back.

"You don't get it at all, do you?" he asked softly.  His smile widened slightly.  "You can't take her place.  You can't…" he took a deep breath, "because you already made a place of your own."  Cole didn't realize he was going to say that until the words were out of his mouth, but they were the exact right words to express what he wanted to say.

Her tear-filled eyes widened.  She couldn't breathe.  Was he saying what she thought he was?  The sincerity in his eyes made it seem like he was, but…but…  Janice looked down, and Cole pulled her close to him.  She couldn't fight him anymore.  As angry as she had been, she had missed him; missed the feelings she had when she was close to him.

"I can't forget her," Cole said softly, his words muffled slightly from having his face pressed into her hair.  "And I don't want to forget her.  I'm a better person for having her in my life for a while.  But, I want to have someone else in my life now that already means so much to me.  She'd want me to be happy.  Jan…I need you to be happy.  I'm so sorry I hurt you.  I never meant for any of this to happen.  I swear to you I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, but I need you."

Janice looked back up at him, taking his face in her hands and pulling him to her in a heart-stopping kiss that nearly had them back on the floor again.  His arms tightened around her as they clung to each other, trying to express so much that couldn't be put into mere words.  Or maybe they could.

 "Say the words," she whispered when they parted, throwing all caution to the wind.  She wanted to know one way or the other, no more games allowed.  "If you mean it, say the words."

Their eyes met in an almost agonizing pause.  Cole wasn't sure what to say, but the raw emotion crystallized into thought the second their eyes met.  Why had he really freaked?  What really made him leave?  Even if his rational mind hadn't recognized it, his heart had.

"I…I love you," he whispered so quietly it was almost mouthed.  Cole's eyes brightened with surprise as he realized he really had said the words.  His smile widened infectiously.  He almost looked like a little boy at that moment.  Janice couldn't help a small smile from forming.  "I love you Janice," he said again, more firmly this time.  "That's what got to me so bad.  I wasn't expecting you, and before I knew it, I was already sunk hook, line and sinker."

He leaned forward and kissed her.  Every bit of the sincerity of his words was flowing through in that incredible moment of contact between them.  Janice knew he meant it.  Everything.  Her arms wrapped around his neck, holding him tightly, knowing for sure that he wanted to have a life with her.  Cole kissed her back with equal abandon, not caring about anything but letting her know how much he wanted to be with her right then and long into the future.

Janice laughed when they parted.  This was real.  It should be a dream, but it was real.  She brushed a few strands of his hair back, smiling at him.  "Cole," she said softly.  "Do you realize there's an unconscious police officer chained to my front door?"

They both laughed and he gave her a quick kiss.  "Take care of that now?" he suggested.  She nodded, and they left the kitchen together.


	13. Final Decision

"He squared away?" Cole asked as Janice reentered the apartment.  She gave him a smug little smirk.

"I've made better than him believe more fantastic tales," she replied.

Cole resisted the urge to say 'I know' and finished doing what he could for the door.  Luckily it wasn't completely ripped off the hinges, just the bottom set was pulled out somewhat.  The doorjamb was going to have to be replaced in any case since the bolt had ripped right through the wood, and the chain was completely torn out.  He screwed back in the hinges and the chain.  It was enough to keep the door shut until the frame could be replaced.

While he was taking care of that, Janice had done some fast-talking on the cop.  He woke up on the couch, and she was saying something about calling for an ambulance.  As he regained consciousness, she told him that when she threatened to get a gun, he had gone after her, tripped over a broom that was on the floor, and smacked his head, knocking him out cold.  They could both see that he didn't exactly believe that story, but it was far easier to swallow then what he thought he remembered.  Maybe it was just falling that made him think that the other man was moving so fast.  That was possible.  It was much more plausible then him being able to move at inhuman speeds.

Janice was still acting like she was going to call an ambulance, but he stopped her and said he was fine.  His wife was a nurse, and she was more than capable of taking care of him and knowing if he needed to see a doctor.  He remembered why he was there, and tried to get up, but fell back, dizziness overcoming him.

"I'll call backup and have him removed," he promised Janice, indicating Cole.

Janice had glanced over at Cole as if just noticing him, and let out a little laugh.  "You know," she said with a smile, "I was so worried about you, I forgot we were arguing again."  She shot Cole a patronizing little smile.  "Are you going to apologize?"

Cole had picked up the game and shrugged.  "Once again, I am sorry.  Never happen again, I promise."

Janice looked back at her neighbor.  "This is pretty typical for us.  Dramatic, but harmless unless someone trips or something."  After that, she was able to get him back to his apartment easily.

So then there they were.  The door was good enough, and the cop was taken care of and it was just to two of them once again.  Before, they had been so easy together, and now there was this long awkward silence between them.  Cole thought that yelling was much more preferred than this quiet.  He was used to yelling.  Trying to not be awkward with someone was new territory. 

Cole took a breath and then plunged forward.  He wasn't sure, but he thought he knew the cause of the problem.  "Listen," he said, "I know that we're not just going to jump back where we were.  There's a lot that I need to earn back first.  I came here to see if we could work things out, and I'm not expecting to jump into bed with you or anything."

"Just hoping?"

He couldn't believe she actually said that after everything.  Then his eyes caught hers and he realized that she was trying to make a joke.  He grinned.  "I'm a guy, I have to at least hope.  It's one of the rules."

She laughed.  "What if we start with dinner?"

Cole sighed with mock dismay.  "Not fair.  You know you can always bribe me with food."

Janice smirked.  "You're a telepath, and you're whining about what's fair?"  He had to laugh at that.  She did have a point.  She gave him a rather smug look and then sauntered into the kitchen.

Janice had been making herself a grilled chicken salad when Cole first came over.  She had plenty of extra, and they finished making them together.  Janice had handed Cole the chicken to cut up while she finished the rest of the salad.  A minute later, Cole felt her watching him.  He glanced up, but she was staring at his hands more than him.

"Problem?"

"I've just never seen anyone cut up chicken like that before," she replied.  He was confused for a moment, but then realized what she meant.  He was just cutting very fast, and to a norm that would be rather impressive to watch.  It was funny how what was commonplace to him was amazing to another person.

"I am very, very good with my hands," he replied.  Janice couldn't help a tinge of color from touching her cheeks.  Yes, she knew that quite well.  Memories of their night together assaulted her, and she had to turn away quickly.  She was not going to jump back in bed with him like that.  They were going to take things at a slower pace this time, and when she thought she could trust him again, they could then try an intimate relationship.  But, oh yes, she did still want him even now.

They ate together and talked for a while.  It was a little stiff at first, but they started to relax a little.  Cole admitted that he had popped Xander a good one, and she told him about what had happened the day before at Langley.  Cole almost choked on his chicken when she told him about backing Xander down.  No wonder Xander had said that she wanted to work things out with him.  He'd have to tell Xander that he was right and she threw herself at him.  That would make him wonder.

Dinner wound to a close, and there was that slight awkwardness again of "what next".  Janice had some beer in the fridge, but she hadn't gotten it out as much as she had wanted a drink.  She didn't want any alcohol in her body trying to get her to relax and just let loose.  She had to be in control of her head and her body around him.

Cole wondered if he should leave now.  They had made up, in part at least, and maybe he should just ask her if she'd like to go out for dinner next weekend, and go from there.  But there was that little problem of him not wanting to go.  And as much as she was keeping herself closed off to him, he felt she didn't want him to leave either.  She had to sort out what she was feeling on her own.  That night they were together, he saw a lot more than she would have wanted him to.  Maybe that was part of why he had to get out of there so quickly.  What was confusing on the inside was sometimes very clear if viewed from an outside perspective.  Cole was willing to wait until she knew what she felt.  She was worth it.

"So," Janice said playfully, trying to get back that teasing that helped break the ice before, "now are you expecting something since I fed you?"  She got up and picked up his plate, waiting to see how he was going to come back to that one.

Cole smirked.  If she was going to play, then so would he.  He grabbed his wallet and yanked out a twenty, slapping it down on the table.  "Now can I expect something?" he asked, picking up a total redneck yokel accent.

Janice's jaw dropped at his audacity.  That…that…she had to laugh rather than kill him.  His expression was nothing short of priceless.  He really looked like some eager hick.  With a snort of laughter, she dropped the plates back onto the table, and took a playful swing at his shoulder.  Cole deflected it easily, catching her arm, and tugging.  It took her off balance, and she promptly ended up in his lap. 

Janice's breath caught to be so close to him.  Her arms instinctively went around his neck, and she felt him wrapping around her, holding her close to him.  She brushed back a few strands of his hair lightly, noticing the few flecks of gray in it for the first time.  It made him seem all the more mature and sexy, she decided.  Before when they had been close, it was more emotional, more knowing that it meant forgiveness.  This time she could literally feel the air around them charging.

"I missed you," she heard herself saying.  His expression, soft with just a hint of desire, didn't change, but his arms tightened slightly.  Her hand brushed the side of his face, fingers grazing his ear, getting a tiny shiver from him.  "We talked so much, almost every day, and then nothing all of a sudden.  I just realized how much I missed you."

Cole let out a little sigh, unable to keep his hands still as he caressed her back.  "I missed you too," he replied softly, not wanting to break the moment.  "I had no idea how much I missed you until I saw you again."

Both of them leaned towards each other at the same time, crossing the small distance until their lips touched.  Arms tightened as they both got lost in the moment, just enjoying the feel of each other being close, and not caring about the rest for now.  Janice could feel herself melting against him, remembering every detail of their night together.  Cole was having a hard time keeping his hands from leaving her back, but he was determined not to press things.  But damn, she felt so good in his arms.  The only thing better would be to have her completely bare and able to run his hands over the silk of her skin.

Cole's mouth left hers and he kissed her chin.  Janice's head fell back allowing his access to the soft skin of her neck and throat.  One hand finally slid down her back, resting on her denim covered rear end.  She let out a little sigh of pleasure as his mouth worked down her neck, his teeth nipping at her sensitive skin, making her jump a little.

Janice leaned up a little and caught Cole's ear with her lips, sucking the lobe and running her tongue over it.  He groaned in earnest then, fingers digging into her, and she could feel his entire body react to the stimulation.  Janice's hands had left his neck and were tugging the hem of his shirt out of his jeans, reaching under it to run her hands over his chest and down the corded muscles of his back.  Dear God, he felt so good.

They kissed again, this time passion overwhelming them both to the point were rational thought ceased to be a consideration.  Cole no more could stop himself from undoing the buttons on her shirt than he could have picked up a train.  She wasn't resisting him in the slightest either.  As a matter of fact, she was wiggling slightly to either give him more access or drive him crazy as she rubbed against his hard arousal.  Either way, it let him know she was enjoying the attention she was receiving quite well.

It was a good thing her tank top was already torn, or else it would have been shredded as Cole moved to free her from all material blocking his view and touch.  It was an act of sheer willpower that was keeping him from clearing the table with the sweep of an arm and taking her right then and there.  He caught her breast, eliciting a little moan from her as his thumb caressed the pink tip, making it harden in the cool air.

Janice tensed for a moment, pulling back from him, seeming to search his face for some answer.  Don't tell me to stop, Cole begged with his eyes.  Please, sweetheart, I need you so much.  He couldn't form a word to tell her, to ask her.  This was her decision, but he wanted her so much.  It was more than a physical need.  He needed all of her.

She didn't say a word.  It wasn't required.  Instead she pulled him back to her, kissing his lips and neck, her back arching slightly to give him better access to continue touching her so intimately.  She knew she had told herself she wasn't going to end up in bed with him, but as her hands slid into the waistband of his jeans, trying to touch as much skin as possible, she wondered if the floor might not count then since it wasn't bed.

Janice let out a little whimper of disappointment when he left off teasing her now-aching nipple.  Her breath caught as she felt him unsnap the button of her jeans, sliding the zipper down in a smooth motion.  Saying no to him at that point was not even a consideration as his hand moved down, slipping inside of her panties, and start slowly caressing the very core of her.

"Cole!" she cried out, not sure if it was pleading with him to stop or to tell him she would die if he did.  Oh God, his fingers…

Their eyes met, and the sheer desire in his almost scorched her skin.  "I need to touch you," he murmured, his fingers moving a bit faster, making her gasp and jump.  Whatever reason he had, as long as he kept it up, she wouldn't care.  She wanted him as much as he wanted her.  They could figure out the rest later.  For now, it was just the two of them caught up in a lovely world of sweet sensations.

Cole never thought Janice looked lovelier than she did at that moment.  Her cheeks were flushed; her dark curls tumbling about in disarray.  He would have loved to have been able to see her eyes, but they were half closed with pleasure, her lips slightly parted to allow soft moans to escape.  Her arms were clinging around his neck as if she was afraid she would ooze right off of his lap if she were to let go of him.  God, she was beautiful.

One hand tentatively left his neck and grabbed the waist of her jeans.  She lifted her hips slightly and tugged them down; very grateful she was wearing an old pair that was soft and loose, and not one that required two hands and a pair of pliers to get over her butt.  Her eyes flicked open and met Cole's, letting him know what she wanted from him without needing a word.  He didn't know if it was just a need for physical release or something else, but he didn't care.  Without the jeans in the way it was much easier for him to slide his fingers inside of her very ready and willing body.

Janice cried out against his neck as she felt his long fingers penetrate her.  God, it felt so good.  Not as good as other things, but damn, the effect was pretty much the same.  Unconsciously she was rocking back and forth with the same rhythm as he was moving his fingers, feeling her body edging closer to climax with every stroke as his thumb also continued to stroke her.  Her breath was coming in jagged gasps and if he even thought about stopping now, he was a dead man.

When Cole had come over, he would have never believed that they would end up like this.  He was just hoping they would at least be able to talk.  But God, if she didn't come soon, he wasn't going to be responsible for his actions.  Her little rocking motions were rubbing against him in just the right way, and he was biting his lip to keep from just dropping to the floor and taking her right then and there.  Her cries started to gain in intensity, and then suddenly her entire body tensed, convulsing uncontrollably as she climaxed, fingers digging into his neck, her teeth scoring his shoulder.

Cole slowed to a stop, and Janice practically collapsed against him, barely able to breathe from the intensity.  He held her tightly, trying to control the shaking of his own body.  Janice lolled her head back from where it was buried in his neck.  His ragged breathing and obvious physical arousal told her how much he wanted her, but he wasn't taking advantage of her post-orgasmic weakness and making love to her before she could even think to protest.  That alone made her decision for her.

She pulled his head to hers for a brief, yet intense kiss.  "Don't hurt me," she whispered as they separated.  Kisses broke apart her next words, but she got them out.  "Not again.  Promise me you'll be here.  In the morning.  Be here at dawn."

"You are my dawn," he whispered with such passion it made her shiver.  The look in his eyes was unfathomable, but whatever it meant to him, it made her toes curl.  He stood, picking her up with his easily.  It was funny in a way.  Cole had hoped she would be willing to start over.  He hadn't thought she would be willing to start over from the last time he had picked her up.  He wasn't about to complain though as he carried her swiftly to her bedroom.

*******

Janice stretched as she woke up, feeling absolutely wonderful.  She thought it must be late by now, but she had absolutely lost track of time.  It was official now.  There was no way she could go back to a "normal man" after experiencing some of the more fascinating aspects of a genetically engineered male.  It was rather interesting how some of his training could be adapted to other things that were far more creative than soldiering.  Cole had gotten a laugh out of that when she mentioned that to him as they had snuggled together, resting for a bit before getting started again.  Then he proceeded to test her observation to the imminent satisfaction of them both.

But something was wrong.  She sat up quickly, her breath frozen in her lungs.  She was alone.  She had fallen asleep finally, trying to fight it, but giving in when she heard Cole murmuring into her ear to go to sleep and trust him.  He had promised!  She didn't give a damn what he had promised to a dead girl.  She was alive, and here and if he'd rather keep a stupid promise to someone that didn't care anymore, then…then…

Janice fell back to the bed, curling into a ball, trying to bite back either a sob or a scream, she wasn't sure which it was.  He had said…and after all they had felt that night.  She had been so damn sure he was being honest with her, and she could feel her guard slipping.  Her stomach clinched as she thought about how passionate and tender he had been.  She had refused to let herself be totally open to him like she had been the first time they had made love, but he didn't push, and then finally that last time…it had been glorious.  Had she been too open?  He had said it first, why would he get spooked if he saw that she was starting to have real feelings for him as well?

This wasn't fair!  It wasn't right and it wasn't fair!  Why did he have to come back?  Why was she so stupid?  Bad enough for her to get tripped up once, but twice was sheer stupidity on her part.  He was probably laughing his head off, thinking about the cash he was going to get from his siblings from betting that he could get her in bed again.  Janice hugged herself tighter, feeling her heart breaking.  She could almost hear it.  It sounded like…it sounded like…actually, it sounded suspiciously like her toilet flushing.

Janice lifted her head a bit, listening.  That was her bathroom, not her imagination.  There was another sound, softer this time, and she placed it.  Water was running in her sink.  It cut off, and then there was silence again.  It was quiet enough for Janice to hear her own heartbeat.  There was a slight swishing noise as the door of her bedroom opened, and then she felt someone getting into bed with her, trying his best to be inhumanly quiet.  Cole's arm came around her, and she felt his warm chest press against her back.

"Did I wake you?" he asked quietly, realizing that she was awake.  Actually, Cole was a little worried.  She was trembling slightly and tense.  That didn't make sense.  All things considering, she should be rather relaxed right then.  He pulled her a little tighter against him, hoping that she would tell him what was wrong.

"No," she replied unevenly, "I…I just woke up."

He kissed her shoulder.  "Talk to me," he ordered gently.

She rolled over so that they were facing each other.  It annoyed her that she couldn't really see his face and expression in the dark.  Maybe this would be easier if she could.  Maybe not.  She felt silly now for getting upset, but that wasn't making it any less intense how much it had hurt when she thought he was gone.  Did it mean something that it had been devastating to think he was gone?

"Jan?" Cole pressed.  Even if she couldn't make him out clearly in the dark, he could see her clearly.  Something was very, very wrong, and he wanted to know what it was right then.  If something else happened, he wanted to take care of it then.  There was no way he was going to let anything get so big it blew up and he lost her.  He'd come way too close to that by his own mistakes.  He wasn't willing to risk asking for a third chance.

"I woke up and you were gone," she blurted, feeling like a total idiot now.

Cole sighed and hugged her to him.  He wanted to get angry that she wouldn't trust him, but that was his own fault.  And she had been opening back up to him a little at a time.  The fact that she had been willing to sleep with him at all spoke volumes.  Then there was that last time when she had opened to him, and it was incredible.  He had never been able to get into Dana's mind like that, and it was like the whole experience suddenly went to a whole new level for him.  Janice had still kept part of herself blocked, but it was a start.

He tilted her face up to his, willing to do anything to take away the hurt.  When he had gotten up, it hadn't crossed his mind at all that she might wake up and think he was really gone.  "Janice, love," he whispered, and then let out a breath of laughter realizing what he had just called her.  "You know I've said that word to exactly six women in my life.  Two of them are my nieces, and two others are my sisters.  I don't take that word lightly, and I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

There was a long pause.  "You scare me," Janice finally admitted, "because you're the first person that really could hurt me.  Any other man I have ever dated was so…so intimidated by me; they never wanted to really get too close.  You want everything from me, and you're not scared to get close enough to be able to have it."

"Then we're even I guess," Cole replied, touching her face lightly.  "Because you could tear me apart without even trying."

She snuggled closer to him, resting the side of her face against his chest, listening to the steady thumping of his heartbeat.  It was soothing on some primitive level, and something more intimate than she had thought it could be.  It lulled her into wanting to simply accept him, and be content with where this was going.  She could fight it, she supposed.  But her heart knew that this was where she belonged.

"Cole?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

If it wasn't for the immediate tightening of his arms around her, she might have thought that didn't have any reaction on him at all.  She peeped up, and even in the dark she could see the absolutely brilliant smile on his face.

"Took you long enough to figure it out," he teased.

She jerked back.  "Like you knew!"  He didn't say anything.  He just smiled.  She realized what he was waiting for her to figure out.  Then she was morally obligated to hit him.  Cole only laughed, and grabbed her arm, pulling her down and rolling so that he had her pinned under him.

"What I knew is that you didn't know for sure what it was, but it was a hell of a lot more than like or lust you felt," he explained.

"That's not fair!" she complained.  "You know too much about me."

Cole kissed her, effectively cutting off her rant.  When they separated, he brushed the hair back from her face, smiling tenderly at her.  "All I know is what you let me see.  I'm glad I can't read you any time I want.  I need to be able to simply trust you, and have faith in your words."

Janice gave him a mischievous little smirk.  "That's a good thing, because a lot of times I'm contemplating my grocery list.  Trust me, you don't want to know when I'm running low on certain things."

"You little…!"  Not much else got out from Cole as he started to tickle her.

Janice was laughing and trying to push his hands away at the same time.  "At least I'm not trying to decide what color to repaint the ceiling!" she protested.  Cole fell back to the bed, laughter getting the best of him.  She was giggling a little, wondering how often he was this open and relaxed and even silly.  Maybe around Xander?  Maybe.  But for some reason, she didn't think so.  Had Dana seen him like this?  The thought sobered her.  Who would he rather be with?

"Do you wish you could still be with her?" Janice asked before she could stop herself.  

Cole looked away for a moment, laughter stopping cold.  He hadn't been anticipating that question in the least.  How to even explain it?  Was she wondering if he was comparing the two of them?  It wasn't like she couldn't measure up to Dana's standard or anything like that.  He and Dana had a bond that was forged since infancy.  It didn't mean that he loved Janice any less, just differently.  Differently.

"Jan," he said, "I loved Dana for Dana, and I love you for you.  There *is* no comparison.  And there's no way I can say I'd rather be with her instead of you right now.  If she hadn't died, then yes, we would still be together, but she did, and I met you, and this is where I want to be.  If she hadn't died, then I wouldn't be the man I am now, and you might not want the person that I would have become instead.  It took me a long time to realize that.  I like who I am, and God knows, I love the woman I have now."

He smiled a little, thinking about twilight, and what Dana had said that once.  Then he knew how to explain it to Janice.  "Dana was my twilight.  She was the end of the life that I had.  You, my love, are the dawn of a new one.  She's my past.  You are my future."

They kissed again, a kiss that sealed the moment between them.  The past was the past, and this was the glory of the future.  Their future.  Forever.


	14. Epilogue

Eighteen months later…

"You better be sure, because I sure as hell am not moving again!" Janice yelled warningly up to Cole as she brought in yet another bundle of clothes that needed to be hung up.  There was a truck full of boxes and the like, and still more furniture they needed to decide as to what they were doing with it.  Right now, she was unloading her car and he was getting it up and down the stairs.  Moving was much easier when you had someone like Cole helping you.

Cole trotted down the stairs, and grimaced seeing the clothes she had on hangers.  There was a ton of stuff already, and more in the drawers.  Then there were shoes.  Okay, he wouldn't complain about the shoes, but there was only so much closet space.  Then he thought about being able to come home at night to her, and the rest didn't seem quite so bad.  He'd already made the room for her entertainment equipment, and it wasn't like he needed all that much closet space anyways.

"I'm serious," Janice continued when he came into the kitchen.  "This doesn't work, and you're the one moving out."  She paused to wipe some sweat off of her forehead.  Only idiots chose to move during the hottest part of the year.  This must be proof that love turns intelligent people into fools.  In any case, after all the moving around she had done over the last two years, he was the one that was going to leave.  But then he smiled at her, and she wasn't worried about that anymore.

"For some reason, I am not worried about being kicked out of my place," Cole replied, taking the clothes from her.  He leaned over and kissed her sweetly.  The last year and a half had been incredible, and it seemed only natural that they moved in together.  They were practically living together anyways; she already had clothes and toiletries over here and he had as much at her place, but now neither of them would have to worry about having to get up early to go home and get dressed for work or things like that.  There had been some fights along the way, God knows both of them could set off the other's temper, but making up was always quite sweet, and neither of them held a grudge for long.

A feminine throat clearing from the back door caught their attention.  Cyra was standing there with a box from the car, wearing an amused / disgusted look.  "Well, it's not as bad as other times, I suppose," she commented, wrinkling her nose.  "Please try to contain yourselves while I'm around."  Then she smiled, and the two adults laughed, Cole harder than Janice.  Janice knew exactly what her niece meant, and it was still embarrassing.

Janice's birthday was February 19th, and that year it happened to fall on a Saturday.  Cole had spent Friday night with her and they were planning on celebrating her birthday that day before she had to make her duty-visit to whatever her mother was planning.  They were snuggled in bed very early in the morning, talking for the longest time, and then things started to get just a bit more intimate.  Actually, they were both quite caught up in each other to the point where neither heard the front door opening.

Janice's bedroom door had burst open, a couple of cameras flashing as her mother and sister thought it would be funny to wake Janice like that.  Her two younger nieces, Zada and Nilac were holding a cake that said "Happy Birthday Janice" on it.  Cyra was quick enough to clap her hands over their eyes as Janice and Cole scrambled to cover themselves decently.  The family was shocked.  They new there were someone Janice had been seeing, but she had made it seem casual.  Janice didn't sleep with someone that was still casual.  That was more Christy's field.  Cyra knew better, but she hadn't thought her aunt would have him there that morning.  Needless to say, it was one of those experiences that most people pray never happen.  Cole found it much more funny, but in his family, not only was it not upsetting to walk in on someone in the act, but carrying on a conversation, as long as the topic was important, was perfectly okay as long as they made it quick.

Cole had never really had the experience of being "introduced to the family" before, but he was sure this was not the usual way of going about things.  It was rather amusing to him, but his family would have handled the situation differently.  Hers didn't really bring it up again, but Cyra had no problem teasing them about it.  Of course she was the only one that lacked an annoying personality, so maybe that was why Cole didn't mind her.  Cyra didn't flirt with him and make subtle suggestions like her mother did, and wasn't nearly as bothersome and prying as her sisters and grandmother.

"Mom is so pissed that you didn't ask her to help," Cyra added, carrying the box into the house.

Janice shrugged.  "We all know she didn't want to help move."  She shot a sideways glance at Cole.  "She had other things on her mind."  Christy was proud to be a man-stealer.  Her first two husbands were married to other women when she met them.  She had gotten quite frustrated that Cole wasn't responding to her "innocent" flirtations, and that was probably the only thing keeping Janice from introducing her big sister to Nightshade.

Cyra took the box upstairs.  She was glad for her aunt's organizational skills and each box was labeled where it was to go.  Her family had moved around a lot, and it was always an excuse for her sisters to steal some of her stuff because the box ended up in the wrong room.

From outside, Janice and Cole heard a jubilant voice.  "The cavalry has arrived!" Daniel announced as he bounded through the door, Xander close behind.  Daniel had surprised them this morning by calling and saying he was waiting to be picked up from the airport so he could help them move.  His classes had recently ended and he had done some clean-up work, and decided to help out before going home to Seattle for the summer.

"Just in time," Cole said with a smirk, and pointed to the truck that was stuffed.  Both Xander and Daniel's faces fell.  It was amazing how much stuff could be fit into an apartment, and it not look overcrowded.

"By the way," Janice said in a low voice, "my niece is here, so all play nice please."  They understood what that meant.  Janice had absolutely no plans on introducing her family to the more colorful aspects of Cole's life.  Seeing any of the guys doing things that people just couldn't do was not keeping it low-key.  Since they agreed with her discretion, no enhanced abilities were to be obviously used.

"Aunt Jan!" Cyra called out just then, coming down the steps, "did you keep out your…" her words trailed off as she hit the base of the stairs and noticed the two new arrivals.  She knew that Cole had a stepbrother, Xander, but she hadn't met the younger one before.  Six foot.  Broad shoulders, nice build to go with it.  Dark blonde hair.  Crystal blue eyes.  Damn, the boy was fine looking.

Daniel's eyes bounced from Janice to Cyra.  He had only met Janice a couple of times really, but had he known there was a girl looking like that hanging around, he might have been down more often.  She had long dark hair that just begged to have hands plunged into it and a face and body that should be on a magazine cover.  She wasn't tall enough to be a model, maybe 5'4", but everything else in that compact, curvy little package just worked, and worked quite well at that.

"Cyra, this is my nephew Daniel Raleigh," Cole introduced.  "Daniel, Cyra Melikertes, Janice's niece."

Daniel gave her a rather charming smile.  There was something familiar about her.  "I know you from somewhere," he said.  "I just can't place it."

"Cyra is also going to NYU," Janice said.

"Ah, I must have seen you around campus then," Daniel said.  "I knew you looked familiar."

"You know," she said, "I thought I recognized you.  Did you go to the Kappa Delta party a couple of months ago?"  Most people would have been fooled by her sweet smile.  Janice knew her niece was about to pounce and let Daniel know what slime he was for going to that party.  She had heard about it for two hours from Cyra, how she was expected to get naked with the two other girls in the basement and mud wrestle for the guys.  It was supposedly a mark of honor to be picked or some crap like that.  Cyra had ended up kneeing one of the frat brothers where he wouldn't forget it, and stormed out calling every guy there a whole litany of names.

"You might have seen me hauling Connors out of the back," Daniel replied.  "I don't like KD's parties at all, but I was there for like ten minutes because I was the only one that could get him to put down his Jack Daniels and go to a hospital."  He gave her an odd look.  "You were there?"  He knew his opinions of girls that stayed late at that party.

She gave him a little smirk.  "Long enough to know why I won't go back.  Besides, I don't think Steven is going to ever let me come back."

Daniel burst into laughter.  "You're the one that nailed him?"  She nodded, and he glanced over at his uncle who was looking rather confused.  "He's this big football player sized guy, and he was doubled over, moaning and puking in the bushes when someone found him."

Janice started laughing.  "I guess being around all of your mother's degenerate men actually had a good effect."

Cyra shook her head.  "Takes a lot more than a drunken college boy to intimidate me now."  She looked back at her aunt.  "Anyways, did you leave out that stuff you were holding for me, or is it packed?"

"It's in my trunk," Janice replied, and the two women headed out to the car.  Xander followed to get a look at the truck.  He had places to be that night, and had no plans on being stuck there till all hours.

Daniel and Cole stood side by side as they easily watched the women from the window.  Daniel leaned over to Cole, and very quietly asked, "Can you read a thing from Cyra?"

"Not a single thought," Cole replied, not taking his eyes off of Janice.  "She gets it honestly though."

"How do you deal with a woman like that?" Daniel asked hesitantly.  It was rare he'd run across such a person.  Rather fascinating experience.

"You believe in God?"

"Of course."

Cole clapped his hand on his nephew's back, and looked at him directly.  "Then I suggest taking up praying.  Pray long.  Pray hard.  She's more like her aunt then her mother.  Trust me, you're going to need some divine guidance."  With that they both headed out to join Xander in unloading the truck.

Unloading didn't take terribly long at all.  Janice got Cyra to go upstairs and help sort, and while she was out of sight, the guys could move a lot more a lot faster.  Some furniture and the like were going to end up in storage, and other things were going to replace some of Cole's stuff.  Xander was glad he wasn't going to have to be involved with the logistics on who keeps what.  Janice had better taste and style, and Cole didn't like his surroundings to change.  Oh well, as long as he didn't have to patch up bullet holes, Xander wasn't going to try to interject an opinion.  He would just stay in his place, and laugh and point on a regular basis.

They were done with the unloading by late afternoon, and sat down to take a break for a while.  The rest Janice and Cole were going to have to do to figure out where everything was supposed to go.  Janice had already scoped out where her music equipment was going to go, and as they sat there, most of her mind was occupied with how she was going to arrange the equipment properly.  She's figure out where other stuff was going later.  Certain things took top priority.

Cole took her hand, bringing her attention back to him.  "We need to return the truck soon," he reminded her.

Janice looked stricken for a moment.  "I have equipment to take care of," she protested.

"You do have a couple of other capable drivers," Daniel said quickly, seeing his uncle gearing up for an argument.  He knew when Cole was really frustrated when Xander was having a hard time not laughing at his brother.

"My car is here," Cyra added, looking at Daniel.  They had been rather subtly flirting back and forth all morning and afternoon, and this seemed as opportune a time as any to see what was going to happen.  "If you drive, then I can bring you back here."

"Sounds like a plan," Daniel said quickly, ignoring Cole's glare.  He jumped up from the table.  "Ready?" he asked Cyra.  She smiled and got up as well.  The keys were on the counter and Daniel snatched them before Cole could say anything else.

The twosome wandered outside, and Cyra decided to use her favorite man test.  "You know, I won't sleep with a man I'm not married to," she said conversationally.  If they were worth the time, the man would make a joke.  An arrogant jerk would make a comment about her changing her mind after being with him.  The majority had a different reaction.  Daniel wasn't expecting that line, but he could deal with it.  Most men might have freaked and ran, but with his background, the strange and unusual were rather commonplace.

"And to think I was going to suggest going to this little pizza place down the street," he said with a happy little smile.  His blue eyes sparkled as they gazed on her.  "What the hell, we'll go there anyways.  A girl like you deserves a wedding reception."

Cyra bit back a laugh.  "But my favorite activity for a first date is picking out names for our children."

"You pick the names for the kids, I get the pizza toppings," he countered, amused with her.  She started giggling finally, and he thought she might be amused with him as well.  He couldn't read a single thing going on in her head, but that was actually making this kind of fun.

"Listen," he said, stopping, and facing her.  "I'm going back to Seattle tomorrow to be with the family and all that, but I'd love to take you out tonight.  And if we like where it goes from there, maybe I can call you every now and then, and maybe we'll run into each other on-line."

Cyra smiled for real, and Daniel thought he was going to just start staring and drooling or something.  It was like watching an angel smile.  "I like maybe," she said softly, and then broke off to go to her car.  She stopped as she got to the door and called out to him.  "What if I like anchovies on my pizza?"

Daniel was halfway in the truck, and leaned out the door slightly to see her.  Dear God, she wasn't kidding.  "Then our first daughter is going to be named Tanya!" he called back.  He had seen a movie a couple of years ago and the heroine was named Tanya.  It was a dumb movie, but the actress did a great job considering the lousy writing, and no when he thought of a strong female, it was attached to Tanya.  Dumb maybe, but he still liked it.  Cyra's laugher followed him as he climbed all the way in.  Uncle Cole had suggested requesting divine guidance.  Daniel realized the sooner, the better.

The adults in the house watched the kids, two of them able to actually hear what was being said.  "Twenty says he comes back early from break," Cole said quickly.  He grimaced slightly as Janice punched his shoulder.

"I know you did not just make a bet on my niece!" she declared at both of them.

"Of course not," Xander replied.  "We made a bet on OUR nephew."

She glared at him.  "If I see Cyra's name in Cray's book, you both are going to regret it," she warned.  Janice didn't notice Cole wink at his brother.  What else were code words for?

Luckily, Cole's pager went off, and that broke the tension.  He went to get the phone to call back whoever it was.  Janice got up as well and gave Xander a hard look.  "And if I hear one word about a pool for when and if they sleep together, I swear there's going to be a naked picture of you as everyone's computer wallpaper."  He gave her a charming smile, and she cracked a tiny grin before going upstairs.

Cole checked the number on his pager and muttered a few obscenities.  Work had gone much easier since Wellington had been replaced, but the new guy, General McAllister, had also been briefed about Cole.  Wellington had given him all of the gory details with relish.  Instead of being frightened, McAllister had accepted what he had been given, and done his best to make use of Cole's talents.  He knew there were things Cole was doing for his superiors, but instead of being threatened by it, used it to show what a brilliant leader he was by "helping such an important officer do his duty to country".  It sounded like it should be crap, but it was getting him a second star.

"Jan?" he called out, going upstairs into the living room.  She was sitting in a tangle of wires, hooking up her stereo.  That should keep her busy for a while.  She looked up, expectantly.  "I have to go into work for a bit," he explained apologetically.

Janice grinned.  "This is why it's good to be dating the boss's brother."  He looked so upset to be leaving when he had sworn he had the day off.  "Don't worry!  I'll get this done and call it a night."  She gave him a sensual smile.  "And then we'll figure out what to do after you get home."

Cole returned the smile, appreciating the thought before he ran downstairs and grabbed Xander.  "Under no circumstances is she to go digging in the bathroom closet," he ordered his brother.

Xander raised an eyebrow at him.  "Hid all your old porno in there, huh?"

Cole let out a little growl of frustration.  "Just keep her out until I get back, okay?"

Xander had long since given up on Cole.  He thought he was frustrating before?  This Cole in love thing was flat out nerve wracking in a funny sort of way.  Everyone was betting on when Janice was going to shoot him.  Any woman that could put up with him and not make an attempt on his life had to be a keeper.  Cole just wouldn't let it go.  He wanted her to move in with him.  Guy was nearly wetting himself the day he brought it up to Janice.  Her lease was coming up, and he had rehearsed it a thousand times to ask her if she would rather move in here than renew the lease.  Xander had even been interrupted at a rather critical moment with a certain lady for Cole to ask if he thought maybe the wording should be changed.  Bad enough to be interrupted.  Worse for her to be the one to answer, and give assistance before going back to what she had been doing oh so well. 

Xander finished his beer and flipped through his new car magazine before dutifully tromping upstairs.  Janice was finishing up attaching all the wires to the equipment and storing it on the proper racks.  She didn't know why Cole thought it was going to take her a while to do all this.  She was used to working with more complex equipment than this.

"Need any help with anything?" he asked.

She shook her head.  "Not really unless you're in the mood to pick up some mint chocolate chip ice cream."  Xander was pleased at that response.  Ice cream he could do.  And if she were eating it, she wouldn't be in the bathroom.  

"Oh," he said smoothly, as if just remembering something, "Cole told me earlier that the bathroom up here is messed up, so if you need it, use the downstairs."  And people wondered why he was climbing the CIA chain of command so smoothly.

He went to go back downstairs, and then remembered something.  She hadn't told him a brand.  He wasn't in the mood to get nagged into going back into the store and getting the right kind.  He went back up the stairs, but the living room was empty.  There was a heavy feeling in his stomach, and he just knew where she was.  For some reason, agents like her had an instinctive ability to be exactly where others didn't want them to be.  It was what made them so great.

He went to the bathroom.  The door was half-open.  Of course.  He opened the door to see her kneeling in front of the cabinet under the sink.  It wasn't the linen closet.  Cole couldn't be pissed then.  Xander went to say something, but the blue box on the sink defeated him before he could say a thing.  It was no man's land in there now.

"Problem?" Janice asked.  He didn't exactly respond, just looked down and made some odd noises.  Janice blinked at him, and then realized what he was staring at.  She sighed.  Well, he was just going to have to get used to having a woman around.

"They are called tampons," she said like she was explaining something to a child.  "Women require them on a regular basis."

"I know," he muttered, still averting his eyes.  God, this was so not what he wanted to be thinking about.  This was "WOMAN STUFF".

Janice rolled her eyes in frustration, and pulled one out of the box.  Xander winced when he heard the paper rip.  "See," Janice said, holding it up.  "Do you want a demo on how it works?"  Xander paled.  "Will you just get me my ice cream?" she asked in disgust, and then on afterthought flicked it at him.

Xander used every bit of his inborn speed and coordination to miss having that bit of cardboard and cotton from touching any part of his body.  He fled down the stairs as quickly as he could move.  Manticore had taught him to never run from an enemy or a mission, but Manticore had also not taught them about other parts of life either.  There were some things that even a super-solider didn't want to mess with.

Janice snickered at Xander's reaction.  Men.  They were so funny.  It was a totally natural biological function, and it terrified them.  She stood and opened the box sitting on the toilet.  It had her favorite big fluffy towels in there, and she wasn't giving those up for anything.  She opened the closet, and started moving his towels around, wrinkling her nose.  Men!  They had no idea that there were different bath towels for different purposes.  There were the grubby ones, and the guest ones, and then the cuddly ones.  She shoved a pile out of the way to make room for hers, and noticed the box in the back.

It was black velvet and rather small.  Not something that she would expect to see in Cole's bathroom.  Or anywhere in Cole's place for that matter.  She should leave it.  It was way in the back, and might be something he shoved back there and didn't want to think about.  Well, she wasn't CIA for nothing.  They had long been seen as incurably nosy, especially when they shouldn't be concerned about the matter at hand.  She reached back and pulled it out.  It wasn't dusty like most of the other stuff back there.  He had recently put it there.  She flicked the lid open, her eyes widening, and breath ceasing in her throat as she looked at its contents.  

The ring was nothing short of exquisite.  The center diamond was heart shaped on a platinum band with two baguette diamonds on either side, the band twisting gracefully around the center stone where two rubies were set at the end of the baguettes.  The gold beneath the baguettes was slightly wider than the rest of the ring, and she flipped it over to read the small inscription.  "My dawn, forever".  She slipped it out of the box, admiring the way the stones caught the light.  It was beautiful.  And he had been hiding it from her.  She was just going to have to come up with a way to thank him for that one.  

When Cole came back home almost two hours later, he breathed a sigh of relief.  Janice was in the kitchen, munching on a bowl of ice cream.  Xander had found a way to keep her occupied.  Thank God.  She couldn't have had time to explore if she had been hooking up all that equipment and then eating.  Mint chocolate chip.  Nothing distracted her from mint chocolate chip.

The exact moment she lifted her hand to take another bite was when Xander walked into the room.  He was getting ready to go out, his dark hair wet and slicked back, tie wrapped around his neck, wrist cuffs still unbuttoned.  For a moment, time seemed to freeze as Cole put together two very simple facts.  Xander had obviously just gotten out of the shower and dressed.  And there was no mistaking the ring Janice had on the third finger of her left hand.  After all, he had spent hours at many jewelry stores, and had one clerk on the verge of tears before he had made the decision

Maybe there was a better way to react, but he was just as much a member of the Manticore family as the rest of them.  The kitchen knife was in his hand, and he cleared the table in a single jump.  Xander's reflexes kept him from getting seriously injured in the initial attack.  From that point, it was a total free for all.  Janice had to quickly lift her bowl out of the way as the two bodies skidded across the table, Xander on top, trying to get the knife away from his brother.

Cole used his extra height to get some leverage on Xander and flipped him over his head, but Xander was faster and a little stronger.  His foot hooked behind Cole, who was trying to stand, and put him back on the ground again.  Xander had no idea what the hell was the matter, but it had been forever since Cole deigned to get into an all-out brawl like this.  Xander, Cray and Lon had gone out and gotten into a couple of bar fights just for the fun of it, but since Cray was in California now, it just wasn't the same.  Cole wouldn't join them.  Xander didn't know what got into Cole, but he was going to have to figure it out and do it again.

Janice was bemused watching them scrap in the kitchen.  She thought about tossing her ice cram on them to calm them down, but that would just be a waste of extremely good mint chocolate chip.  That would be purely sinful.  She calmly got up and put the bowl into the freezer.  Then she went to the sink and grabbed the spray hose.  They were still on the floor, but the knife was now embedded in the linoleum.  They were still busily engaged in the act of killing each other though.  It was almost too cute to try and stop them.

But there was no way she was going to be able to talk to Cole if he ended up with his jaw wired shut or something.  She turned the water full blast on cold and squeezed the trigger, hosing them both in a spray of icy water.  Cole had been on top of Xander, and jerked back, shocked at the suddenly onslaught of water.  Xander took the advantage and shoved him off, only to also get doused in the spray.

She shut off the water and smirked at them both.  "Is this the way it's going to be after we get married as well?"

Xander blinked, and then noticed the ring on her hand for the first time.  He had a sneaking suspicion it had been in the bathroom.  He further concluded that seeing Cole stupefied was one of the most beautiful moments in his life.  As much as he didn't want to, after all this would provide him with teasing ammunition for possibly several years to come, he probably should leave them alone.  Shawna was thrilled that Cole was so happy with someone, and if she knew Xander had messed up a nauseatingly sensitive moment, she would pull a hell of a lot more than a knife on him.

"You two have fun," he muttered, making a graceful exit.  Nobody had bet on this happening.  Xander sighed.  Sometimes it sucked to be roommates with the unpredictable one.  And now he had two of them.  Oh well.  Made life fun.  In the meantime, he had better get cleaned up and out of there.  Some people in the family might not respect private moments, but he certainly did.  Well, not when there was money to be made off of it, but that was a whole different consideration.

In the kitchen, Cole was still flat on his butt, staring at Janice, barely noticing his brother's hasty exit.  He was normally very intelligent and very quick, but this was taking a moment to process.

She

Was

Wearing

The

Ring

There was no mistaking the ring as anything but what it was.  No way anyone could say a ring like that said he was just happy that she was shacking up with him and that was all.  She was wearing it.  She had said, "After we're married".  She was wearing the ring.  His eyes met hers, and a brilliant smile slowly lit his features.  Her smirk turned into an answering smile.  He slowly stood, and walked over to her, taking her hand and lifting it between, the diamonds catching the sunlight and glittering, casting a prism of fire deep in their center.

"You're wearing it," he whispered softly, the awe in his voice evident.  He had known she loved him.  He had known she wanted to be with him.  But to make a lifelong commitment?  He hadn't been sure.  They had talked about kids once, and he told her that it was too dangerous for any sixer whose location was known to ever produce a child.  A child could be taken and experimented on or used to restart Manticore.  She had shrugged and said it didn't bother her at all.  She didn't say it, but seeing the ring on her finger proved that she would rather have him than a child he could provide.  She really wanted that commitment between them.  A promise that would really last.  And there was no doubt in either of them that this was forever.  

"Well," she said softly, trying to be facetious, but not quite making it, "I found it and it was my size and I really liked it, so I figured you wouldn't mind."

"You're really wearing it," he repeated, ignoring her attempt at teasing.  "You really want to."

"This," she said, holding up her hand a bit higher, "is just checking the size.  I haven't agreed to anything yet."

Cole suddenly dropped to his knee.  Janice blinked.  The last thing she was expecting was a dramatic gesture.  Cole was normally much more subtle when he did things.  Of course, this last year and a half, she had come to realize that if a grand reaction was needed from Cole, she could get one far faster than any of his siblings could.  Still, her breath caught and she felt tears prick her eyes when he kissed her hand.  At that moment she could see the appeal of the age-old chivalrous gesture.

Cole had been trying to think of the right thing to say and do to do this properly.  He'd discarded a hundred different speeches and scenarios since the day he bought the ring.  He had thought about taking her to Greece and standing on top of the Acropolis and asking her at sunset after the tourists were gone.  Something that would sweep her off of her feet.  Kneeling, soaking wet, in a kitchen after getting into a fight with his brother had never even crossed his mind as a possibility.  But when had conventional worked for them before?  Somehow, this just felt right.

"Janice," he said, his voice a little shaky with emotion.  He hadn't rehearsed his words at all, but they just spilled from his heart.  "You are the love of my life.  I know that now for sure.  I can't put into words all that you've given me; saved me from, and you did it without even knowing you were doing it.  I love you Dawn, and I swear to you that it's only going to grow as we go on together."

She was already crying at this point, and he knew he was on the verge of tears himself.  "There's only one more thing I ask you to give me," he continued, trying to get it out.  It wasn't that he was scared she'd refused.  He just hadn't counted on how intense it would be for him.  "And that is to allow me the incredible honor and privilege of being your husband.  Janice Anne Miller, will you marry me?"

She knew it was coming, but that didn't lessen the impact of the words.  She'd heard them once before from another guy she had been dating, but they hadn't made her feel anywhere near like this.  A slight sob escaped her and she covered her mouth with the fingers of her free hand to try and keep from breaking down.  And he was still kneeling there as if he didn't know what the answer was.  Well, she had insisted on a question.

"I'd love to," she managed to get out, her words causing such obvious joy in him that she then couldn't control the sobs.  He stood quickly, and pulled her into his embrace, holding her as tightly as he dared.

"Yes?" he murmured, wanting to hear the word that would erase all doubt.

"Yes!" she cried out, laughing and crying at the same time.  Their eyes met, and so much love shone out of hers that it was almost painful.  "Did you think I could say no to you?"

"I know it now," he replied, and then kissed her.

They held each other tightly, wanting to preserve the moment for as long as possible.  Cole looked up for a moment and noticed the late sunset through the window.  He smiled.  Ending and beginning.  For so long he had done his best to make sure there wasn't anything he could lose that he would miss, besides his siblings.  Then he looked down into his fiancé's dark shining eyes.  Some things were worth the risk.  They kissed again as the dark shadows of evening began to fall.  This wasn't an end for them.  This was only the beginning.

THE END

********************************

A/N:  Well, this is where I get to drop a line to everyone and give ya'll a thank you for sticking with the series so far.  I really appreciate all the feedback I get, and I'm glad you have enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  To answer the question, yes, there is a fourth in the X-6 series in the works.  Possibly a fifth one as well if you must know.  In any case, farewell for now, and I'll be seeing you all again very soon.  Ta!!   - Cat


End file.
